I was originally planning on writing a completely different post today, but something happened yesterday that I couldn’t quite ignore – I was on the receiving end of a comment. Mmm hmm. Not a mean, snarky, ill-meaning comment given in an attempt to tear down my not-so-delicate state of mind, but a completely ridiculous comment that just left me thinking: “What the eff…“
So here’s the story. Grab a cookie and get comfy.
I was running a little late after work and really needed my afternoon caffeine fix so I decided to pick up my daily cappuccino from a different Starbucks than the one I normally frequent. That’s fine. I was at the bar placing my order (grande cappuccino) when the girl behind the register said to me: “You’re pretty skinny, but you could probably be a lot skinnier if you started drinking skim milk instead of 2%.”
… 
… the hell?
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that I ordered a side of [stupid] advice along with my coffee. Oh wait – that’s because I didn’t. I bit my tongue and swallowed my smart-ass “skim milk tastes like dirty water” comeback, going with a more neutral this-is-neither-the-time-nor-place-to-talk-about-this reply instead, but her comment really got under my skin. Not because I thought she was implying that I needed to lose weight (I don’t), or that I was seriously considering her “advice” (I wasn’t), but because I guess I’ve gotten to a point where that kind of thinking just feels so foreign to me…
I don’t really think about calories or losing weight. I look good, I feel good, and I’m healthy – that’s all I care about. Could I be skinnier? Sure; I used to be. Was I happier? No, definitely not. Contrary to popular belief, skinny is not synonymous with happy – in fact, the skinnier I became, the more miserable I was. We tend to fall into the trap of thinking “Oh, if I just lose a few pounds my life will be so much better,” but it won’t. I’m sorry, but if you can’t live with yourself at a certain weight, making yourself smaller isn’t going to help. You may feel temporarily satisfied, but you’ve dealt with a symptom instead of addressing the problem – whatever it was that caused you to feel that way in the first place is still there, you just put a band-aid over it.
And I’m not trying to say that I’m any better – God knows I’ve spend a good chunk of my life trying/hoping/wanting to lose weight; but if recovering from my eating disorder has taught me anything, it’s that a life spent focusing solely on ourselves and how we look is a life wasted. It doesn’t bring true happiness, and only takes our attention and energy away from the things that really matter. What really matters? People matter. Helping others matters. I kid you not that shifting my attention away from what I could do for myself to what I could do for other people has been one of the biggest factors in my healing process. There’s a big wide world out there, and it’s full of plenty of more important things than being able to fit into a smaller pair of jeans.
. – . – . – .
No questions today; I’d just love to hear your thoughts.
{ 120 comments… read them below or add one }
I am SO sorry you had to go through that. I think I’d die if someone said that to me. I’d definitely cry about it. Who cares if you like 2% more than 1%? I do! You have to do what you need to do, not what everyone else tells you to do. I can’t believe someone would say something like that. I’m actually in shock right now.
Sarah @PickyRunner recently posted..This is goodbye
No crying over 2% milk
I think what shocked me most was the fact that she was just so frank about it – I don’t think I could ever say that to a complete stranger.
I have to say I get really miffed at the idea of anyone making comments like that in reference to their body and size, especially strangers. I think you did well to keep your cool! I think its just evidence that for some reason society puts all of us under pressure to feel like we should be striving to be thinner, even those of us that are already normal sized. It just makes me sad x
For some reason that comment reminds me of this quote from Napoleon Dynamite: “I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that because you think you’re fat? Because you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.” Maybe she was referencing it in some really strange, backwards and rude way?
Molly @ A Fresh Start For Molly recently posted..Four Monday Questions
Hehe! Well that’s a lovely way to try and see the good in people
Yes! Love this x 1000000. If I was in your situation, I probably would’ve had a hard time restraining myself from giving her the nutritional analysis of skim milk (of how & why it sucks). Haha.
The thing with ‘health’ is that we have a tendency to measure it only by physical standards – how much we work out, what we eat, how we look, but, like you said, it never addresses *real* health: how we feel. Being honest with ourselves can be a scary thing: once we realize what’s not working, we’re forced to make a change. So, in some way, we may use exercise & food as an avoidance/coping mechanism. Without addressing the WHY, we will continue to fall back into destructive behavioural patterns.
Jo @ LivingMintGreen recently posted..So, This Happened…Girls Night Out
What a moron! I mean, what kind of idiot would actually say that to a person. I wouldn’t even say that to my best friend who actually IS trying to lose weight. Wow… just wow.
You, on the other hand, are brilliant. I wish I could scream this on a mountain top for every woman to hear, “Contrary to popular belief, skinny is not synonymous with happy.” So true, yet so often forgotten.
Tiff (@LoveSweatBeers) recently posted..My Work Day Off From Work
Yeah I couldn’t believe she said it to a complete stranger. Girl is going to have a hard time keeping her job with an attitude like that…
I would have punched her in the face
ditto.
whoa. i can’t believe someone you are PAYING to make a drink would feel they had to right to bodysnark? yikes….plus i guess she still doesn’t realize that fat doesn’t make one fat. ugh…you are a gorgeous girl and most likely much happier than she is right now as evidenced by her callus comment. just let it roll off like water…
the delicate place (@misathemeb) recently posted..tattoo or not?
Oh my. I really can not follow why somebody would give such an advice to someone. Especially not when she wasn’t asked her opinion. Your reaction was just perfect. I sometimes even feel sorry for people who are still in the belief that the skinnier you are the happier. I am just really happy that I found a whole community here who is not letting such comments bring them down and who pray healthiness instead of skinniness (that sounds weird I hope you aunderstand what I mean….my English is just so bad on some days).
Lucy recently posted..Tuesday Recipes
You come across perfectly clear, Lucy
Oh man, I loathe that girl for you! I’m just not sure where people get off thinking they can comment to a complete stranger on something they have no right to intrude on. I would like to know if she would’ve said the same thing to an obese person, probably not, which is even more messed up. I had a random person ask me one time what I did for my “butt” as it looked large. Really nice, huh? I’m glad you’re able to vent about the comment & not get too worked up over it. My girlfriends & I always say “People are terrible”…it’s sad but true!
Katie @ KatieEnPursuit recently posted..Drowning in Wine Sweat
Unbelievable. I absolutely hate being given advice when I didn’t ask for it. Like being a vegetarian, I seem to get comments on how to get more protein in my diet every month or so. Um, I didn’t ask, thanks.
I also find it interesting when people ask women when they’re expecting…like they make this huge sweeping judgement that a woman is pregnant, and we’re not. That happened to me once years ago when I was wearing a dress. Unless I’m bulging out, don’t talk to me about my size or weight.
lisa fine @ vermont vittles recently posted..improving my health one iron tablet at a time
UGH. Those comments. I’m happy they don’t bother me as much anymore, but I swear, they used to be a major trigger.
debbie recently posted..mother russia
Recovery is a beautiful thing
WHAT.THE.FRIG. I can’t even deallllll. She is such a jerk and clearly has a WHOLE host of her own food/body shape/weight issues. Ughhh. WOW.
Lauren @ The Homeostatic Mindset recently posted..Eventually
WHAT THE EFFFFF gosh I can just so imagine the suck of breathe that was taken right out of you when they said this. I have been on the receiving end of way too many comments of this nature. I still remember coming out of treatment with my dad and we met this lady. I had never met her before but she remembered me from high school. Well let’s just say her way of introducing herself to me was saying – oh wow you are a little chubby now. Ummmm how do you even respond to that? I do the same thing though, I know I could be skinnier but was I happier? Oh hell no. Was I more well rounded? Oh hell no. I was miserable, friendless and so confused. Embrace the 2% kid – I will keep eating my full fat butter please and thank you
Alex @ therunwithin recently posted..#freEDom: Reflection Throwback
Not going to lie – that comment kinda enrages me. Who is she to say anything – especially if you are healthy. I’m glad you didn’t let that bother you all too much, but in my opinion, that comment was way out of line. She doesn’t know you…
Kailey recently posted..About Those Miles
all I can say is wow. I think it’s a sad world when people start saying stuff about how we look and what they feel is socially acceptable. She doesn’t know what you’ve been through, and that’s so messed up of her to even think to say that to a customer. It would really hurt me hearing something like that because I know how sensitive I am to comments. I know I shouldn’t place blame, but hearing my ex boyfriend tell me my pants were too tight and telling me I shouldn’t eat so much was the beginning of my disordered eating. Once he was gone I realized how unhealthy I was acting. People really need to think more before they speak because one comment can destroy a persons mindset. I’m glad to see you’re strong enough to not let it affect you
Rachel recently posted..Attached
Comments like that are definitely out of line, especially given the high percentage of people that are struggling with body image, and the dangers of that leading into a full-blown eating disorder. Some people are just ignorant
Oh my goodness! That is so incredibly rude, unnecessary. Wow, I think a lot of that comes from peoples own insecurities, but to say it is just so wrong. It’s just a little unbelievable people think they can comment on peoples weights like that. I’m proud you reacted to it well, you are so beautiful and healthy which is most important! But, a way out of line comment! Have a great day love!!
Lisa recently posted..Everything Happens for a Reason
That is so sad of what our society has become. You are much better then me..I would have called her out on it and probably said something to make her feel extremely guilty. Not just guilty but extremely guilty about her wise ass remark.
Hollie recently posted..Mud In Your Eye Cross Country 5k (19:43)
Hahaha, sorry, that made for a pretty good giggle. I cannot believe that there are people out there, who offer that freely their stupid advice to a customer! It’s a shame her boss was not around. And than I started to wonder if she tells the same thing over and over again to every customer who orders a cappuccino on her “make the whole world skinny by drinking skimmed milk” – mission… missed the point here, did I? Sorry, my mind is just not able to focus today.
You have my respect for keeping a civil tongue, guess my reaction would have been quite nippy. And I hope that your healthy mindset will keep you from having skimmed milk in your coffee ever again!
Yeah I’m not sure she’ll keep her job long with that kind of mouth on her. And I’m pretty sure I could never switch to skim milk… it does taste like mirky water to me.
WOW
Yeah – you can’t say that to customers. It is offensive, rude and not at all ‘advice’. I think I would have said something along the lines of “you know what really can help make you skinny? Not drinking your drinks EVER.”
Rebecca@Running.Food.Baby. recently posted..Manic Monday!
What a bitch. I’m not going to apologize for that harsh comment, but I’m in true disbelief that there are people out there who believe that it’s their place to criticize other’s choices like that. I love how you handled this whole ordeal– knowing me, if that comment was made on a bad day, I could have easily gone completely insecure, questioning if I really did need to lose more weight, if it was obvious to others, ect. You rock for finding the inner meaning behind this experience and it just goes to show how far you’ve come. LOVE YOU!! You’re so strong.
Liv @ Life As Liv recently posted..Marvelous in My Monday
There was definitely a time where a comment like that would have triggered me into doing stupid things, but I think I’ve just experienced enough misery as a result of that kind of mindset to basically give up on it. God, I must be getting old or something…
WHO. DOES. THAT.
I mean….
But yes, pressing further, it is so shocking to think our society is such that this woman thought nothing of giving you that “awesome tip” because….”duh…doesn’t every single woman want to be skinnier?”
Actually? NO. WAKE UP is what I want to tell these people…meet more real people and stop watching whatever TV you are watching and whatever magazines you are reading!
The lesson that you are driving home here (weight loss does not equate to new life, new personality and no problems) is one that is brutal to learn and also very VERY easy to forget for most of us — thanks for this reminder.
Missy recently posted..WTF Wednesday: I Found the Coon Butter
Wow! I can’t believe she even said that! Some people are just…ugh. I bet she would be a lot happier if she wasn’t worrying so much about being skinny! You are awesome Amanda!
Danielle @ Clean Food Creative Fitness recently posted..Thin Mint Cookies (Gluten and Egg Free)
Holy crap Amanda. My mouth is still open from that girl’s comment. You handled that so incredibly well, and I think your response now about focusing on what you can do for others is wonderful and so true. I would seriously like to go smack that girl (and probably would have tried if she had said that to me and thrn walked away in tears)… Thin isn’t better and doesn’t bring happiness..,people do like you said (some more than others esp in this case)…fingers crossed you have a great day love
Caitlin recently posted..Tuesday Thoughts
wow…this reminds me of a picture I saw on pinterest yesterday…it was a beautiful girl, who was average weight, and it said “:beautiful is healthy, not skinny” and its so true.. Its about how you feel
Stupid lady!
sara @ fitcupcaker recently posted..Wildtree Freezer Meal Party & Round 2 Protein Oatmeal Loaf
It really is appalling to me that people think saying shit like this is normal and ok. She may have meant no harm at all, but what was the point?? If I were her manager I would not be happy with her comments to customers. It’s just unprofessional. Thank bajeebus you are in a state where a comment like this doesn’t mentally EFF with you. I hope you were able to brush it off after a few hours and chalk it up to some dumb girl without a brain towards customer service. Drink that 2% mama you are PERFECT and I think your body is bangin!! MEroww!
Brittany recently posted..Running Thoughts
No harm done
My main reaction was actually “Oh, I’m so blogging this sh*t…” 
ok seriously, as soon as i read her comment i literally just scrolled down and clicked, “add new comment” because i needed to vent!! what on earth?! there are seriously so many things wrong with that statement i don’t even know where to start… ok, so maybe i’ll start with the first part: she’s not even right – which leads me straight into the second part – on what planet would it be socially acceptable to even say something like that even if she was right – which brings me super fast to the third: YOU ARE GORGEOUS! and, oh – THAT’S RIGHT – ‘gorgeous’ (or any other definition of beauty) has nothing to do with the word ‘skinny’!!! i’m just going to stop typing or i’ll take up your whole page lol …but you have a GREAT day because that little coffee girl is crazy!!
Thank you, Jessica
<3
…oh, and i want to commend you on not flipping out and throwing your coffee on her – regular milk and all – because i’m not so sure i wouldn’t have lol
Jessica @ Prayers and Apples recently posted..Alcohol and Memory: Why You Remember The Wrong Things
Girl, my jaw just dropped. Definitely don’t internalize what that idiot said. Screw her and the milk, haha.
It’s probably a good thing I wasn’t there….I would have been tempted to leap across the counter and punch her in the face. I mean, there’s unsolicited advice, and then there’s “Who the f*ck asked you!?”…she falls into the latter, to say the least.
“it’s full of plenty of more important things than being able to fit into a smaller pair of jeans.” – the world would be a much better/more productive place if everyone had that attitude. You’re awesome! <3
Sam @ Better With Sprinkles recently posted..Bloggers as an Influence. {VLOG}
That being the case… I kind of wish you were there
OMG!
That is AWFUL. I hope you emailed to complain – that sort of comment is completely out of line, regardless of who they said it to and why they said it. I would have left the shop immediately! I hope you’re ok. I know that you are strong enough and smart enough to smile and walk away – but she shouldn’t think it’s ok to say that to anybody!!
Christina recently posted..Pomegranate’s in my teeth
I’m fine
Thank you, Christina <3
WOW. Just wow. So what DID you say?!
I just smiled sweetly and told her that I’ll stick to my original order because I’m not looking to get any skinnier. She actually looked a little taken aback – apparently, everyone and their dog is trying to lose weight. Who knew.
What. The. Fuck??!?!?!!!! I think my jaw just hit the floor. Excuse my French but it is TOTALLY necessary. I mean, you are gorgeous and I’d say quite slim from what I can tell but a healthy slim so you have that glow too. I’d say that this girl had some of her own weight issues and decided that all the stuff she’s been reading about how SHE should be losing weight because SHE wants to, she’s going to tell everyone else about like some smart-ass who knows best about how the whole world should live. What a freak.
And for you to handle that situation so well? You are amazing. I would have definitely have taken that to heart. I just don’t even understand AT ALL where she was coming from.
Nicky recently posted..My Week According to my Phone
Neither do I. Apparently she’s the weight loss guru and knows so much that she just wants to share the wealth
More than annoyed at that barista’s comment, I’m flabbergasted. Regardless of your size, who on earth is she to comment on your dietary choices?! It’s people like her who encourage eating disorders. She has already recognised you are slim yet “advised” you to drink milk with even less fat.
That aside, I completely agree about skinniness not equating to happiness. Even at my biggest, I was very happy. Although I’ve gained tremendous amounts of confidence from losing weight, it hasn’t been the determinant of my happiness. The relationships I foster, work I do, hobbies I pursue (to name a few) contribute to my happiness…not just what I see in the mirror.
Khushboo recently posted..Mumbai Marathon Mode
Does this girl know that skim milk actually has more sugar than 2%? Which is worse, the natually inherent fat content in the milk or the added sugar to make it taste better?
so first of all i love the way you handled this whole post – as usual you have such a great head on your shoulders and some dumb comment from a starbucks employee won’t bring you down, but i’m really trying to put myself in the mindset of someone who would say that. it’s not as if you solicited advice on the caloric contents of the drinks at bux so i just cannot fathom what possessed her to say anything. so bizarre. plus amen to the part of your post that you have been skinnier but you certainly weren’t happier. definitely felt that before.
molly @ heart, sole & cereal recently posted..return to texas!
I have no idea what would possess someone to say something like that either. It’s intriguing more than anything else…
WOW…seriously?? This is the perfect example of what is wrong with our society today. Unbelievable!
Hannah @ CleanEatingVeggieGirl recently posted..Spicy Black Bean Soup
Who says that? Time like these I have to remind myself, you can’t please them all. I’ve gotten both positive and negative feedback from being too thin, or not thin enough, but I’ve learned that none of that matters if I’m not happy. Actually, those things would matter, and did matter, at my thinnest, but they shouldn’t and you own health and happiness is what’s important.
Thanks for sharing this. You’re right. If people focused on helping others, or at least being sensitive to the fact that your words have impact on others, the world would be a much more pleasant place.
Cassie @RedLetterDaye recently posted..Musicboxes and MLK
I always hate when I hear other’s comments to friends/family about weight. Unless someone asks for “tips” on how to lose a few pounds, the barista had no right saying anything about your appearance, weight, etc. If you asked her how she thinks you could lose a few pounds, then her response would have been okay. But no wayyyy should she just say it out of nowhere.
It makes me sick when I hear girls say they believe their lives would be better if they were “skinnier”. How about healthier? Whatever happened to being healthy? I’m sure if they started working out more they would become more “fit” or “healthy”, but why is it ALWAYS skinnier.
And it comes down to the famous question I ask myself day after day, “Would I rather be skinny and alone or healthy, curvy, and happy”?
Lauren recently posted..MIMM
I’d go with the latter. I’ve done the skinny and alone thing, and it sucks…
Good Lord some people need to be slapped. Amanda, Ive met you. IN PERSON. Trust me when I tell you that you are perfect the way you are (not that you need the reassurance, I know you already know all this!)
I mean really, you are a much better person than I am, cause I wouldve ripped into her. The issue I have is, what if she says something like that to the wrong girl? A girl like you USED to be. Someone who hates herself and thinks she’s hideous and refuses to eat. Or a girl who is tetering between throwing up her breakfast or keeping it down. That’s just another trigger right there.
People can be so disappointing sometimes.
Kat recently posted..Weekend Recap – Orange Cranberry Muffins
That’s actually what I was worried about too, which is why I kind of regret not going to the manager and saying something. I’m still considering going back and letting someone know, because yeah… a comment like that would have wrecked me back in the day.
Gah, I’m sorry Amanda. That’s really ridiculous that there are even people on this earth who would offer uncalled for advice like that. But hey, on a positive note– look how AWESOME your reaction to it was! You may call me crazy, but I’m convinced that sometimes God puts uncomfortable situations in our lives just to see how we respond to them.
And you are SO right. A life focused on weight and appearance is a life completely wasted. After all, we all WILL be old and wrinkly one day
Brittany @ Itty Bits of Balance recently posted..Weekend Cheesecake
That’s not crazy at all, Brittany! I actually love that way of looking at those uncomfortable situations. Thanks for that perspective
Could not agree more, especially this point: “a life spent focusing solely on ourselves and how we look is a life wasted”. That to me is the most important thing that someone can learn. When you focus all of your energy into working out and eating right and trying to lose weight or reach a smaller size or whatever it is…you have to ask yourself WHY. What’s the point? If you work your butt off, maybe you do reach your “ideal” size and weight, but at what cost? Skipping dinners out with friends? Saying no to desserts? Choosing a workout over a night out on the town? Is that really how you want to live your life, is it something you can do forever? Probably not. So eat the damn cookie, drink the damn beer, and live a balanced life.
Meghan @ After the Ivy League recently posted..Versatile and Sweet
*raises her [cappuccino] and eats her cookie* Amen!
I definitely would NOT have bit my tongue – what the hell! That is out of control lol she had some nerve
Brittany @ GOtheXtraMile recently posted..Weekend in Daytona Beach
I’m a new reader, (WIAW brought me here- and I’m glad it did) and I have to say that comments like this definitely can be triggers for some people. es, we are in recvery and that’s great! But dumb comments can still affect people, especially individuals like us who are recovering from an eating disorder. Everytime I hear a friend, family member, or stranger comment negatively on food, I can’t help but think about it and wonder if I too should be worried. Anyway, I’m sorry she said that, but I’m glad you’re in a good place now and were able to recognize the comment as being ridiculous!
Wait, was it April 1st already in Canada yesterday?! Seriously, what did that girl think who she was? She clearly misread her job description …Sorry you had to deal with that … person, Amanda! You’re such a beautiful girl and can’t even imagine somebody being that rude towards you. Hugs!
I’m working at Subway and some of the clients ordering “double meat, double cheese” certainly could do with less judging from their physique. But honestly? That’s none of my business. What I’m supposed to care about is preparing them a delicious sandwich and be polite. Whether it’s a slim person ordering 2 % milk or a rather chubby one requesting a greasy burger: To each their own.
I think this is especially critical seeing as you only see the customer in front of you, knowing nothing about him or his (food) history. Triggering somebody can be so easy. I’m glad you’re in a place now where you can be angry about it but shrug it off, not even considering to switch the milk (or worse). But there are many who would be for sure and I can’t say for sure I wouldn’t be one of them.
Miss Polkadot recently posted..In need of …
There was a time when her comment definitely would have wrecked me, but after having to put up with the misery that comes along with that kind of mindset for so long, I just got fed up and decided it’s not even close to being worth it.
I’m always really surprised at what workers say to customers and how rude/out of line they can be at times. I HATE talking about the nutrition of food/people’s weights/what should be eaten/shouldn’t/exercise etc. etc. Everybody is going to do what they want and THEY will figure out what is best for them…it’s no one else’s business. I think I’m so sensitive towards that stuff because I am so used to being on the receiving end of the comments (gone from chubby to too skinny to food intolerances). It’s so hard to try and have a positive self-image and love your body when you’re constantly paranoid that people think otherwise and your paranoia is confirmed by little comments like that. I hope your coffee at least tasted good…heaven forbid you have her again, you should just go all out be like, “With FULL FAT milk, EXTRA whipped cream…but PLEASE be sure to HOLD the unwelcomed, snarky, comment that is inevitably perpetuated by insecurity for one’s self-image *smirk*” I think I actually just feel bad for her…she probably is more insecure than we all realize and just jealous of the fact that you can GASP drink 2% milk without worrying about its effect on your jean size. Keep being you…you’re so good at it : )
“heaven forbid you have her again, you should just go all out be like, “With FULL FAT milk, EXTRA whipped cream…” < —
Oh man, that had me in stitches… I totally should have done that, and I’m actually kind of tempted to go back and try that out…
wow… I have no words. People can be so cruel and say the meanest things! I’m proud of you and how far you have come!
Brittany @ Delights and Delectables recently posted..Currently…
oh boy. i dont usually comment or post on anything but that is insane. try not to let it mean something different than it does (aka register girl being retarded..perhaps jealous?)
seriously crazy.
ooooh that makes my blood boil!! I would’ve given her a piece of my mind right there. No shame. You are beautiful and have a gorgeous body. She or anyone else has no right to comment on your body. I actually hate when anyone–strangers, family members, etc.. make comments about my body weight or size. It’s such a personal issue. Another thing lately that gets me super angry is fitness instructors that say things like–”this move will really slim your thighs or flatten your tummy.” I even hear it in Yoga classes!! First off–I don’t think it’s possible for one move in particular to necessarily flatten or tighten someone’s body–it’s a wholistic thing that takes a long time and exercise is just one part of the equation; also it focuses too much on the body rather than on exercise making one feel good.
Ah who says things like that?!?
But thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this post! I definitely need to have this message reinforced in my life on a regular basis to stop me from going back to a darker place where all I cared about was being thinner and the guilt I felt because I wasn’t.
I really do love reading your blog
Sophie @ Love Live & Learn recently posted..These Snowy Days.
Wow. It sounds like you handled the situation gracefully, and I’m glad you pointed out that it wasn’t exactly an appropriate thing to say. Honestly, I think I would have asked to speak to a manager. Not to get the woman in trouble, but perhaps to let the manager know that some “sensitivity training” in general might be in order. That kind of comment could really do some damage, and even though you’re taking the high road, to someone else it might really be devastating. Or, you know, they might jump the counter and throttle the cashier. So it could be for her protection, too.
I really do believe people need to be made aware when their comments are inappropriate or hurtful – given my line of work, (and being recently married!) I’m also really sensitive to comments about people procreating. No one’s business, and it could be pretty intense salt in a wound.
Yeah I actually kind of regret not talking to the manager and I’m thinking of going back and saying something, because that kind of comment definitely would have wrecked me back in the day.
WTH?! People have no filter! I would have responded with… yah I could be (and used to be skinnier) and a hell of a whole lot sicker! I’m choosing to invest in life and wellness these days! I’m so sorry you had this experience!
Elizabeth@myneonrunningshoes recently posted..French leotards? Um no.
That is awful that she said that. I say she must’ve just been jealous of you
Some people need to think before they speak.
Molly@This Life Is Sparkling recently posted..{1/22} Thoughts From the Day
That’s a ridiculous comment — not something you should tell a random stranger. Depending on the tone she used and what she herself looked like, it really could have been taken a million different ways! From ditzy chick repeating some dumb fitness magazine tip to jealous b*tch who wants to ruin your day.
Random tangent, but…. I find it annoying that people who know your past (and/or current) struggles say similarly stupid things like that. Like, “Did you know that there’s this peppermint oil stuff that apparently makes you lose weight?! You could just put a couple drops in your oatmeal for example!”. It makes me wonder, “Did you learn anything from what I went through in the past few years?” I know they’re not trying to be rude and probably don’t realize their mistake because a) I’m healthier and my current physical appearance is a big indicator, and b) if you didn’t suffer an ED, you’ll never understand it. But still…. I’ll have my own parents say stuff like that but then freak out and get suspicious if I go to the gym…?
Can you bring it to their attention and ask them to cut it out? I think my parents learned pretty early on not to say stuff like that after we had some serious issues in the beginning of my recovery. We joke about goofy stuff like that now, but only because it’s easy to just laugh at it and not take it too seriously.
I usually don’t really encourage the conversation in any way, so I just let those kinds of comments kind of go by the wayside… they don’t bother me enough to put a damper on my day or anything, but if they did happen to really offend me, I would definitely speak up!
As for my parents, because they themselves are in this constant quest to be healthy (my mom isn’t a “greasy” cook, and while neither parent works out or is that active, they both have maintained their weights for as long as I can remember), they easily forget that sometimes *I’m* part of the audience as well… but no worries, they encourage and applaud my eating PB with a spoon and extra servings of dessert
You slapped her right?
Matt @ The Athlete’s Plate recently posted..Love Grown Hot Oats #Giveaway
Haha! It may or may not have crossed my mind, but I didn’t want to get arrested for assault over something so stupid
I have been a reader for while and have never commented, but this erks me! I truly can not believe how focused on food, weight and body image our society is. It truly is sad. It seems like the majority of people have a dieting mentality these days. I had a friend who was full of advice like that. It was impossible to eat anything around her because she always had something negative to say about food and weight. And it turned out to really be about her. She entered treatment a year and a half later. I am so happy you put this on your blog. I believe unsolicited advice about food and weight and/or comments about body image (both positive and negative) are entirely inappropriate 99 percent of the time. I shudder to think about my children growing up and being either praised for being skinny or teased for being chubby. Hopefully society will have turned it around by then. Love your blog! I am an avid reader.
Thank you for your comment, Lauren
Society does indeed seem to be obsessed with dieting these days, and people almost look at you like you’re crazy if you tell them that you’re not trying to lose weight. It’s like “What do you mean you’re not on a diet?! Everyone’s doing it!” 
Honestly? I probably would have looked her in the eye and said, “You know, you’re pretty skinny, but you could probably be a lot skinnier if you threw up every meal”.
I was drinking almond milk, but let’s be honest, it was because I wanted to cut out the cals. No more, my friend, no more.
I’m not the biggest fan of 2% milk (in our house, we drank 1% until I was 10 or so and then switched to skim), but I do love my non-skinny soy milk, vanilla flavoured please.
And you know what … I’ve been really upset about a lot that I read today. These past 10 days or so, I feel like I’m seeing the world (blog world, in particular, but real world as well) in a whole new light. And I realllllly don’t like what I’m seeing. Seeing all of these things, and reading this post (and other positive ones like it) have me that much more resolved to keep moving forward. Not because I want to prove that I’m better than anyone else, but to prove that I’m better than this disorder that has everyone so g-d fkng deluded that they can’t think straight anymore, don’t know what’s real and have no way of determining what’s right and what’s wrong.
Chelsie S recently posted..Jan 21st
Why does this girl give a flying %$#@$ what kind of milk you drink????? People are so pathetic!
Andrea @Pencils and Pancakes recently posted..Grilled Banana and Peanut Butter Stuffed French Toast
First of all… that girl is CRAZY! Second of all – you are one wise lady.
Thanks for the post – was needed.
Madison @ Pilates Makes You Happy recently posted..Flabbergasted.
Hooookkkaaayyy what the heck is up with that chick?!?! If she caught me in a foul mood, I probably would’ve b*tch slapped her right across the schnoz! I really admire you for keeping a cool head and being able to reflect on your progress thusfar. That right there goes to show how much you’ve grown and matured in your recovery! Truly inspirational!
PS– Thank you from the bottom of my heart for you comment on my post girl. It really meant the world to me to know I have your support. Even though I may not always comment, know I’ll always be reading your blog because of positive, motivational posts like this one.
Oh and feel totally free to email stalk me heehee 
Alexandra recently posted..Splainin’
<3 <3 You know I will :)
That girl obviously has some issues… & lacks sensitivity. Wow. I love how you didn’t let her get to you & how you wrote an amazing post from it. You made many good points… being smaller isn’t going to make you happier if you don’t already love yourself. Sometimes I need a reminder in that, so thanks! Being happy & healthy is what counts.
Karey @ Nutty About Health recently posted..Back To School
My jaw literally dropped as I read this. First off, you are beautiful. And second, you are so right, there are plenty of other issues that take precedence over weight. Side note, you handled the whole situation like a rock star!
Kate @ Quarter Century Southern Living recently posted..Warm Weather and Pumpkin Smoothies
You’re kidding me! This just makes me hate Starbucks more! LOL!! Such a stupid comment, what the hell compelled this BARISTA to say such a thing! Since when is he/she Dr. Oz… 2% milk, suck on it yourself! That person should be fired, so stupid!! I guess you will be heading back to your usual Starbucks tomorrow, lol!
GiGi Eats Celebrities recently posted..Worth The Brain Freeze
I have to say….second most to your self confidence what I admire most about this is your SELF RESTRAINT! I honestly hate to say this about myself but I probably would’ve turned around and said something like “really? cuz it doesn’t seem to be working for YOU…” (regardless of her size) just out of spite….okay maybe not but I absolutely would’ve thought it in my head!. Anyway I agree. I too, could be skinnier if I drank light beer instead of the quality ales I actually like, if I stopped eating froyo whenever I felt like it, if I didn’t have a piece of dark chocolate after dinner every night, if I ate egg beaters instead of eggs…..and I HAVE been skinnier by doing all these things but you know what? the difference is about five pounds, and back five pounds ago, everyone including my boyfriend and all of his friends were telling me I needed to GAIN five pounds! It actually kind of boggles my mind why women everywhere still think that skinnier is ALWAYS better no matter how skinny you actually are. I’ll admit my own mind falls back into that at times, but…..it’s not true. I know that from 1. experience (five pounds isn’t worth the happiness and lesser anxiety) and 2. most men in the world that I’ve dated or been friends with prefer women NOT to be skinny at all costs or even….skinny at all. LOL. But yet, with women, it’s this constant competition of who can be the smallest. I’m not at the point where I don’t still get trapped in that – believe me in groups where I don’t win that contest I get a little anxious – but I’m aware that it’s totally the wrong thing to be focusing on. For me too, overcoming the biggest hurdle of my food issues happened out in Colorado where I was completely focused on….okay well still on me, but on other more important things that mattered to me – my job, making friends, doing the best possible job on my grad school applications, exploring the mountains, keeping in touch with my college friends….enjoying a friggin beer every once in awhile! Gah. well now I’m rambling, but in short…..Preach it girl, you could be skinnier but why would you want to and why would it matter?
Also…..who the hell SAYS that to a total stranger?!?!?!?!?! like………wtf???
Her comment was so out of place :/ but you really handled it like a champ! I admire you so much!
Picky Nicky recently posted..You Can’t Be Skinny and Strong
seriously. what the eff?! Who just says something like that?? Someone who obviously has no idea what she is talking about. I’m so glad you were able to just ignore her and move on with your day. I hope she gets some milk spilled on her. Preferably skim, because we don’t want to waste the good stuff – 2%.
kris recently posted..a short visit to california
I hate ignorant comments like that. I remember my ex-best friend told me once that it would take me 12 years to eat a wrap that I ordered. Excuse me? I didn’t tell her it would take her 12 secs. Idk, some people just need to NOT open their mouths…
Sabrina @ Nutritiously Sweet recently posted..Simple Vegan Waffles
Wow, just wow. That’s such a ridiculous comment for someone to make, especially a total stranger. I feel like so much of the world is obsessed with weight and appearance and it can really be hard to navigate that world while recovering from an ED. I still struggle with dealing with comments from friends, family and even strangers about my size or eating habits and I think people should really think about the consequences of what they’re about to say before they say it. I try not to say anything to anybody about their weight or what they’re eating because I know I wouldn’t want anyone to say anything to me and I don’t push my style of eating on anyone else, because I hate when people judge me for what I am or am not eating.
Ashley @ AlmostVegGirlie recently posted..Currently…
Very true. Eating and weight are such personal matters, and even when people mean well, a lot of the times their comments are just out of place. I remember asking everyone around me to not comment on anything when I was recovering from my ED, and it definitely made things a lot easier.
I’m… speechless. Seriously I probably would’ve called her a name (..bitch??), punched her & than walked away as if nothing happened
Jessie recently posted..What I Ate Wednesday :: Fast Food
Oh wow. Thank you, random stranger, for your unsolicited advice. This is so wrong. I actually have to admit that I think you should have said something snarky back. I always do when people comment on my body because, to be honest, they have no idea what my state of mind is. My first thought is always “what if they had said this to me when I was anorexic?” Whether it is positive or negative, the effect was always bad. Even positive comments made me feel like I need to work “harder” to look even “better” or they would make whatever friend was with me feel bad because they weren’t on the receiving end of the comment. It’s just bad all around! Good on you for handling it so well, but seriously…the poor manners aside, she was actually wrong. If all you did was switch to skim milk, I guarantee you would not lose weight. The body is not some fine tuned instrument that will go from thin to supermodel skinny by drinking skim milk. D’oh.
I didn’t want to start anything with her because it honestly didn’t bother me enough to put the effort into being snarky. My only regret is perhaps not going to talk to the manager, because yeah… if she had said that to me when I was deeper in my ED, it would have just wrecked me… and I’m kind of worried that I’m not the first person she said something stupid like that to.
What saddens me most about the comment that girl said to you was the fact that you were probably not the first person who has heard it from her. You are thankfully strong enough to realise that it is a bizarre comment to a beautiful girl but as others have mentioned…What if the next girl who hears this is not happy in themselves? When I was struggling worst with my anorexia every comment was a catalyst that could be twisted into a criticism in my head so for a stranger to so brazenly suggest you become skinnier and casually question your choices around the milk in coffee could be an atomic bomb for a vulnerable person. I’m so grateful to hear this story and to hear your strength in it. I just can’t believe people can be so rude! When did our bodies and our choices become public property for public criticism? And even worse…..when did our relationship with our bodies become the subject of marketing campaigns such as ‘what will you gain when you lose?’ (Special K). You are completely right when you say weight loss is only tackling a symptom just the same way as weight gain after a period of eating distress will only restore our bodies….We need to be strong in ourselves, for ourselves and then challenge our emotional reactions to the things in life that try to chip away at this strength. Thanks for such a great example!!
I do worry about her saying stuff like that to other people, because I know that comment would have triggered me pretty badly back when I was far deeper in my disorder. I was actually thinking about going back to talk to the manager so that he/she could kindly explain to her that that’s not how you deal with customers.
wow. this post is real. first off – what a b*tch at SB. and second – you are totally right when you say skinny does not equal happy. healthy equals happy. friends and family equals happy. and a skim milk cappuccino is nasty as crap.
Sara @my less serious life recently posted..what i ate wednesday: issue 65
Holy CRAP who randomly says something like that?! I mean I know I am echoing what everyone else is saying here but yikes, this is just like… well it makes me fear for the human race (among other things). You are strong enough to hear such a comment and realize what a ding-dong she is… sorry about the harsh language… and move on with your life. Clearly she is missing something from her own existence and has the audacity to put it onto other people in such a hurtful and just plain DUMB way
Tessa @ Amazing Asset recently posted..Starting Off Right
First off, what an idiot. Perhaps she was jealous of you and trying to make herself feel better? Good job holding your tongue, it would’ve been all too easy to snap back. It reminds me of something that happened to me not too long ago at a coffee shop. I ordered my hot chocolate with soy milk and as they were making it I HEARD the girl complaining about how annoying it was to make stuff for people who got soy milk. Sorry for having an allergy? I could’ve said “I can hear you”, but figured someone so shallow wasn’t worth it.
OMG, what a dushbag of a girl! I seriously want to applaud you for not letting this comment get to you. It really shows what a strong woman you’ve become. And you’re totally right! Most women/girls are sensitive when it comes to their body image and then to say something like that…. I mean, come on! She clearly lives in the “fat-free” phase and needs a whole lot of education. Your beautiful, strong and confident!
What the heckkkkk?! First of all, where did that girl learn her manners? In what world is it appropriate to say something like that? If people want nutrition advice, they can go to an RD, not to their local coffee shop. Second of all, amen to skinny not meaning happy. I’m heavier than I’ve been in over 3 years, and I’m a helluva lot happier. Because enjoying food, eating treats, and being confident in myself is way better than being skinny and basing my happiness upon my weight.
Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin recently posted..What I Ate Wednesday #68
“enjoying food, eating treats, and being confident in myself is way better than being skinny and basing my happiness upon my weight.” < — Amen
“…and you’d be less of a bitch if you just shut your trap and took the freakin’ orders” is the response that popped into my head. That is TOTALLY uncalled for. Clearly this girl has some issues with her sense of self-worth and her values. If I were her manager and I heard that I would have her so fired!
The ever illusive state of “skinnier”. It’s always there, we could always be skinnier, but at what cost? This makes me think of the time my mum told me I was looking “heftier”. She didn’t mean to offend me, but come on, who wants to be called hefty?? It put me in a really bad state for a while. Even now, when I button up a particularly tight pair of jeans I think “I wish I had the body from when these were looser”, but then I remember that I was MISERABLE at that time! Oh yeah, and baggy-even-though-they-are-supposed-to-be-tight jeans look horrible.
Good job for letting the new you push back against this comment instead of falling into a terrible state of mind and skipping your afternoon cookie. I had 2 kinds of cake for my birthday last night and I feel damn good about it! You look amazing, you ARE amazing and you should feel damn good about that! Lots and lots of love xoxoxo
Devon @ Health in Equilibrium recently posted..freEDom: Not Wasting Another Year
Two cakes?! Jealous! One of them better have been chocolate
What the….? How can someone actually say that? Or even think that? I respect you so much for the way you handled it. I know a lot of people would have made quite a scene out of that situation. You are gorgeous and it really is because you are HAPPY. That’s why. Love your blog and you are such an inspiration! I’ve struggled with a minor eating disorder and have experienced similar feelings and fears as you. So thank you for your thoughts and honesty with everything.
Ok, I just clued into this post and there are a few things I wanted to say as a response. Before I do, let me preface this with my anger is NOT directed toward you (it is at the half-wit barrista that didn’t think enough to keep her mouth shut!).
1. What a biatch. Why on Earth would you say that to ANYONE, let alone to someone who is healthy and happy and just wanting a damn cup of coffee??
2. I am highly impressed with how you dealt with it- I think I would’ve been so irritated that I might have snapped back at her.
3. I am happy that you are happy with you! That is all that matters on this planet and I know you have worked long and hard to get there. Good for you for not letting some ridiculous unimportant person pollute your brain!
That is all.
Thank you, Whitney <3
people are absolutely ridiculous! im so sorry you had to encounter that, noone deserves too.. i am always getting little comments thrown at me and i never understand why people would do that.. you had a very good response and im happy that you didnt let it slow you down since you have come so far already! keep it up!
kaity @ kaityscooking recently posted..What I ate Wednesday
HUH? People baffle me…seriously baffle me! I’ve been thinking about this entire situation and can only come up with one explanation. The girl must have some internal and physical issues of her own (perhaps she’s battling her own disordered eating habits and views). When she saw you…a gorgeous, svelte, healthy, and happy girl…she experienced envy and fired back at you in a snarky way. And it wasn’t just plain old vain envy, it was a complicated sort of “I’m unhappy with myself and am bothered by those that actually are happy” reaction. Truthfully, it’s sad to think what could spur such a hateful comment from someone but it is what it is. I’m so proud of you for not letting her words get under your skin! Shows you’re the bigger and stronger person in the situation.
Irina @ Chocolatea Time recently posted..Chocolate-Dipped, Honey-Sweetened, Salt-Kissed
Wow.. I would never say that to anybody.. much less a customer. I would put in a complaint to her manager. She should not be saying that to people. Ever. Beyond rude.
Cecilia @ My Life Sans gluten recently posted..WIAW #26 – Road Trip Edition
This is ridiculous! Hasn’t anyone told that barista that her job is to serve customers what they want, not to judge them and be a total b*tch? Even if you actually needed to lose weight (which you obviously don’t), she’s the last person who is supposed to give you advice about that. Duh…
I don’t really drink full fat milk (1-2% is OK for my taste) but those 0,1% milks look like you’ve just dipped your toothbrush in a glass of water and taste like… well… pretty much like water. If you want a good quality drink, you drink the real thing. The same applies to food.
As for insensible employees, I haven’t experienced anything like this in Japan because everybody acts extremely professional while at work. Back at home though I’ve had some really unpleasant encounters. I remember once, when I was in the healthy weight range for someone 10 inches shorter than me, I was in the mall and this girl approached me with a huge smile, a flyer and a sample of the weight loss chewing gums she was selling. I took the sample with a blank face, went back home and bawled my eyes out. Did she think I was fat? I don’t know. But somebody should teach people like her when it’s better to just shut up and think for a second what effect their words might have on people.
Now give me that cookie! (Stop making me drool!)
Albizia recently posted..Небето през прозореца
Hi there! Love the website, very inspirational. I think I read one of your posted a while back that first got me thinking about calories and how I would like to one day quit counting. Well, that day is now! Something just tells me I can do it and I’m ready now. I am underweight from calorie counting (go figure) but I am going to try my hardest to stop, I want to gain weight and look healthier. I completely agree with this post. I am that girl that was skinny, but lost more weight.. and now I hate how I look and want to be curvey and healthy looking again! Do you have any pointers for maintaining a healthy weight without counting calories? How do you still enjoy all the desserts? Do you designate a cheat day? or just limit your intake? Thanks for the posts though! Loved hearing your story!
I know this is an older post, but I had to comment after my experiences over the last couple of weeks. I’m a bride-to-be and last weekend I went to try on some dresses for the first time to get an idea of the type of style I might like. Well the minute I saw the consultant I was assigned to, the first words out of her mouth were: “You’re so tiny. Do you eat? Are you considered an anorexic?”. Yeah, I wish I’d had the nerve to bolt out of there. Talk about a blow to the self-conscious when you’re at your most vulnerable. Then, last weekend my fiance and I were out at the mall and within 5 minutes of entering we walked past a teenage girl who loud and clear said to the person she was walking with “She needs to eat a cheeseburger!”. I turned around and gave her the stink eye and she gave me a dirty look in return!! Why are people so rude. Lately I want to sequester myself to my apartment and never leave!
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