. i think i think too much .

by Amanda @ .running with spoons. on November 27, 2012

Well, things seem to be back to normal around these parts today, and can I just say thank goodness for that (although I do kind of miss the sleeping in bit). It’s funny because there was a time where not having an appetite would bring me endless amounts of joy since it made restricting so much easier, but now? Now I think that a lack of appetite causes me more anxiety than an insatiable one does.

Woke up bright and early, and ready to eat. Greek yogurt, banana, cereal, homemade applesauce, roasted almond butter, and cinnamon… lots and lots of cinnamon.

Why the anxiety? Because of the excited little voice in the back of my mind that likes to revel in the fact that I might just end the day eating less than I should. It’s a little frustrating to realize that my mind still harbors those kind of thoughts this far into recovery, but I’m just thankful that they’re more of an annoyance than a true temptation.

I do my best to eat intuitively, and I don’t have much of a problem with honoring my hunger, but it’s a lot harder for me to honor a lack of hunger, especially if I know that my “fullness” is primarily caused by stomach woes. Part of me thinks that I should just give my stomach a break when it doesn’t feel the best and let it work things out instead of potentially screwing it up even more, but the other, louder part is afraid of falling back into bad habits…

It seems that I can never be too full to enjoy brinner. Greek yogurt, Kashi Cinnamon Harvest, banana, blueberries, roasted almond butter, and cinnamon.

Something like skipping meals and consciously undereating is a really slippery slope for me, or at least it used to be. A big part of my eating disorder had to do with constantly one-upping myself and trying to do better [read: worse] than the previous day/week/month. If I exercised a certain amount one day, I would do the same plus a little bit more the next. If I ate a certain amount one day, I would try to eat a little bit less the next. I was constantly trying to get better at… well… killing myself, essentially – which didn’t exactly work out the best in the long run.

I probably overanalyze things way too much, but I think that’s just one of the lingering effects of having an eating disorder. I got so used to constantly having to monitor any thoughts and actions that involved food during my recovery, that I guess I’m just having a hard time letting go of that practice. I remember not giving two hoots about whether or not I was eating enough prior to getting sick (especially if I wasn’t feeling well), but now there just seems to be this hyper-vigilance that I can’t shake. Ahh well. It’s definitely gotten better over time – I guess it just needs a little bit more.

. – . – . – .

When was the last time you had breakfast for dinner? What did you have?
Do you tend to overanalyze things when it comes to your diet?

Do you think I think too much? ;) 

 

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{ 59 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jo @ LivingMintGreen November 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I love that you think you think too much! Deepak Chopra says whatever he’s talking about is what he’s working on in his life, and I think that rings true for all of us.
I used to overanalyze my diet – worrying about silly things like if I ate enough protein, or trying to achieve a ‘perfect’ ratio of macronutrients in my meals. I just ended up with massive stomachaches from eating too many food groups in one sitting, and I didn’t become a better athlete because of it. I’ve learned to think for myself & trust my instinct rather than trying to fit into the typical ‘healthy living’ box. :D
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2 Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 28, 2012 at 11:07 am

I’ve given up worrying about macros and what not, but the figuring out if I’m eating too much/too little thing is still what gets me!

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3 Daybelis November 27, 2012 at 5:11 pm

LOL girl I don’t think you think too much, because honestly Im the way. I hate when don’t feel hungry or when I undereat ( my head is just saying WTF) . I wake up so anxious the next day to make up all the calories I couldn’t have because I wasn’t hungry. I think this definitely has alot to do with recovering from an eating disorder because during anorexia, my goal was to not eat , but once I realized how dumb this is my goal to make sure I’m always nourished to function. The last time I had breakfast for dinner was today, I had a omelet with diced sweet potatoes and it was delicious. I definitely can relate to all you say in this post Hun, and I thnk with time maybe this will fade away. Have a great night<3

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4 Miss Polkadot November 27, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Great post, Amanda! This is SO me. I’m overanalyzing just about everything not only food. When it comes to the latter, though, I have thought patters similar to yours. Unfortunately, being surrounded by people who have a normal relationship with food didn’t help so far. There’s still the voice in my head telling me that if they had that massive lunch there sure was salad only on the cards for their dinner. Or that they exercised a lot more than me though I know it’s not true. I wish I had one of my friends’ minds when it comes to eating or at least the abilty to turn mine off at meal times.

Regarding breakfast for dinner it’d be easiert to say when was the last time I didn’t have it :D. There’s just something truly comforting about having my nightly bowl of chocolate oat bran with almond butter. I’ve tried going without it for a few days at the weekend and while it was okay I happily returned to eating it again afterwards. True brinner fan here :).
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5 Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 28, 2012 at 11:09 am

Breakfast for dinner every night?! Swoon. A girl after my own heart ;)

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6 Danielle @ Clean Food Creative Fitness November 27, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I am the queen of overanalyzing what I’m eating. I think the key is to just eat and fuel our bodies. When you overthink it is just makes it so much more complicated than it is. I’m working on it too :) Love breakfast for dinner. One of my favorites!
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7 Devon @ Health in Equilibrium November 27, 2012 at 5:24 pm

It’s so weird when your appetite does that to you. Today I was STARVING all morning, even though I was snacking, and then I had a salad and a piece of chocolate for lunch and I was stuffed for HOURS, when normally I would be back to the fridge in 45 minutes. The thing I hate most about that is that I LOVE EATING! So when I’m hungry and get to eat constantly to honour my body, I’m not TOO upset about it (at least I’m getting better), but my ED brain feels guilty for eating when I’m not hungry, so I hate those appetite-less days.

P.S. That pizza looks like the bomb. Is that pesto I see under that cheese? Did you take my advice and buy pesto pizza???
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8 Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 28, 2012 at 11:13 am

Hehe no it’s actually just spinach. I’ve seen the pesto one though, and I’m thinking about picking it up the next time I’m at the store :)

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9 Devon @ Health in Equilibrium November 28, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Do it! You won’t be disappointed!
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10 Nicole November 27, 2012 at 5:38 pm

You think YOU think too much? Bear with me here….

I never have breakfast for dinner. I consider it disordered (for me, at least) because it would mean eating far less than I should or feel like. I mean… yogurt, a handful of cereal, and some fruit? That’s my night snack… before some toast and possibly ice cream LOL. Also, since moving back home with my parents, who are of the same nationality yours are ;), I’ve gotten used to eating dinner pretty much every single night at home and it’s almost always homemade food. In fact, during college when I still lived at home and developed my ED, dinner was the one normal meal I ate the entire day. Everything else was tiny snacks to keep me barely functioning, and it also allowed me to fool everyone for a long time. ANYWAY…. yeah, breakfast for dinner, no. I know that you’re still tiny even though you consider yourself recovered, but I’m more on the athletic side and could not be satisfied with a cereal bowl for dinner any day of the week!

And I’m definitely still in the stages of over-analyzing what I eat and over-analyzing what health bloggers eat. For one, I find that reading these blogs is a sign I’m still not “100%,” because that little bit of curiosity still exists, and so does that annoying comparison trap. And I also think (not to put you on the spot , because I really don’t know) that most health bloggers are also still somewhat enveloped by the remnants of their ED by blogging about what they eat and what they do throughout the day. I know there are other reasons for blogging, and one is to inspire others, but I think for many it’s still just an odd obsession/hobby that is a result of a former [not so healthy] “healthy” lifestyle.

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11 Lucie November 28, 2012 at 12:50 am

GREAT comment!!! So true for my side. I am obsessed by exercising and food and not recovered 100% – and that is definitely one reason why I blog. And the comparison trap or analyzing food habits of others is there too!
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12 Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 28, 2012 at 11:24 am

Ahh I wish I could have homemade dinners every night of the week. Unfortunately that’s usually reserved for Sundays and maybe Mondays if I have some leftovers. But the strange thing is that my brinners oftentimes leave me more satisfied than ‘normal’ dinners do. As for the blogging trap, there’s definitely a fine line between obsession and interest, but it’s possible to blog about food without it being disordered – sometimes it’s just where people’s interests lie. Saying that everyone who has a food/health blog is suffering from an ED is like saying that everyone who has a fashion/beauty blog is suffering from something like narcissistic PD. People like what they like.

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13 Nicole November 28, 2012 at 11:38 am

No I know what you’re saying about some people blogging because it truly is their interest, and again, I’m not “accusing” you of anything but just thinking out loud as I reflect on so many other blogs I read as well.

I just know that from my own experience, I came across these types of blogs BECAUSE OF my ED, and even when I fooled myself into thinking I was recovering when I still wasn’t anywhere near it, I followed “recovery” blogs… and now, when I finally am in a much better place, I still read these types of blogs because I know deep down I am not fully recovered. On the outside, yes, and would anyone suspect anything wrong if they spent a whole day with me? No. I exercise, yes, but not like crazy, and I certainly don’t chug diet soda all day or munch on a rice cake for my lunch.

But when I have time to sit down and relax or think, my thoughts still gravitate towards eating, calories, weight, exercise…. not as ferociously as before of course. But it to ME says that my mind is still not at peace with my recovery and so this interest in healthy eating and whatnot is def one part of it. I tend to assume from my own personal experiences that others react in similar ways perhaps without even realizing it. But again, not saying this is you, but you just always bring up interesting “food for thought” which also makes me challenge what I think, what I do, and why I do it ;)

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14 Aimee November 27, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Breakfast for dinner- one of my favorites is eggs poached over whole wheat pasta and roasted veggies!

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15 Matt @ The Athlete's Plate November 27, 2012 at 5:51 pm

LOVE breakfast for dinner! Had it last night :)
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16 Missy November 27, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I do dinner for breakfast quite often, actually!

And girl…I get the “trouble honoring the lack of hunger” SO much. Such a mind-screw.
But it’s good… the vigilance is unfortunately mandatory because – as you described – we have a history of allergic reactions to any ANY reduction in food intake. Annoying with a capital “A.”

Right now I have NO appetite, a bloaty distended crampy tum tum and and figuring out what to have for dinner is like trigonometry while undergoing dental work WHILE under the influence. Complicated and crazy and why can’t I be normal and eat a saltine and call it a night??? Argh.
BUT my sanity is pretty much the most important thing to preserve and so if that means going a little insane about what’s for dinner? Beats anorexia-insanity any day.
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17 Molly@This Life Is Sparkling November 27, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Brinner = the best meal :)
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18 Caitlin November 27, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I had breakfast for dinner tonight! Omelette over sweet potatoes……..yummmmmmmm. I have a pretty similar mindset as far as eating goes, too, darlin. I worry and over-think why I may or may not be hungry at different points and I DEFINITELY competed with myself when I was in the height of my ED to exercise more and eat less. It’s something I’m still working on with exercising. I have to be very careful about why I’m going out to run or do yoga…is it because I really want to? Or do I feel like I have to to work off/punish myself for something? Also working on the just because I did this one thing one day doesn’t mean I have to do it better/longer the next…some days are better than others but overall I know I’m farther along than I have been in a long time :)
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19 Alex @ therunwithin November 27, 2012 at 6:18 pm

I do the same thing, I am queen of overthinking. so tough. I think i can so relate to that feeling of frustration, frustration that I still have those thoughts even though I don’t act on it. I hate it, I wish the thoughts would just disappear instead of be that nagging force. I need a power off mind button, I think sleep would be easier, stress would be less, you name it.
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20 Brittany @ Delights and Delectables November 27, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I love breakfast for dinner! Eggs are my favorite brinner! :) I overanalyze all the time girl… We need to remember that food is supposed to fuel us. We have to trust our bodies to tell us when it needs fuel.
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21 Angela November 27, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I used to – and sometimes still do – have the same problem. But for me, if I feel not that hungry on a certain day, I feel anxious not because I’m worried that I’ll undereat, but because I’m worried that I ate too much the previous day! I guess I actually end up feeling guilty for no good reason, and it actually just comes to show how much hunger signals still affect my mood, something I’m definitely hoping to change.

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22 Sam @ Better With Sprinkles November 27, 2012 at 7:47 pm

It has been entirely too long since I had breakfast for dinner…I might have to do that this weekend! I’m thinking pancakes…or eggs…or both. :-D

I know I overanalyze when it comes to what I eat on a daily basis. I’m getting a lot better with it, but in the past I always found myself wondering if I got enough protein, ate enough fat, ate enough calories, ate too many calories…it was a little exhausting, really! And if I have a day where my appetite is unusual (either in the no appetite or insatiable sense) it makes me start wondering again. I’m starting to figure out that my body is usually pretty smart at figuring out what it wants, I just gotta listen to it. :-)
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23 Jill November 27, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Oh Amanda, I could have written this myself.
Gosh, I wish we were roomies and could dish out this stuff in our heads and tell it to “F#!*” off.
I do think too much . About everything. And especially about food.

I experience nausea and sickness a lot (something that thus far is attributed to my extreme anxiety) and yet I eat my way through it entirely. Like my stomach will plead with me to “give it a break” for gods sakes, but nope…I go by the clock and the routine and gasp, no I can’t eat less, and gasp, no i can’t eat nothing, or gasp, no I can’t wait till I’m hungry (because what is hunger? beats me.).
Horrible I know I know.

I think breakfast for dinner is fine. But me? I tend to do breakfast before bed (plus some). Like I see some comments above of having oatmeal or whatever at dinner…but me, I have a HUGe supper (like salmon with skin and olive oil, bread, veggies, avocado, etc) and then an hour later start the “3 hour marathon snacking until bed” which equals to about (per usual) : 1 cup yogurt, 1.5 cups grapes, cereal, 1-2 ounces of chocolate, loads of nut butter, etc etc…its’ like I have breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, and then a marathon of entire meals RIGHT before bed…i’m talking like midnight. Hmm…and I wonder why digestion and bowels so off? Jeesh, I should know better. I should stop. Why is it so tough to stop.
And the ironic thing is that I wake up non-hungry (of course) but god knows I refuse to skip breakfast…that’s just unfathomable. Its’ like patterned in me. It’s insane.

I’m really stressed lately too with a HUGE thing about moving here or there/or even visiting and its got me so stressed. Seriously if you are open to a brief email…I’d love to briefly chat :)

On another note: What are you reading now?

I got “Wild” from the library and REALLY enjoying it…..if I had money saved up I would so go on some life-changing thing like that…let me know if you are up to it ? Maybe we can find some arduous Canadian challenge that can help us find ourselves….yes, its’ late at night and yes, I’m being sappy….eww :)

I don’t usually read books like “Wild” so it surprised me. I know you like some fantasy/dystopians…ever read Divergent? Shatter Me? The Maze Runner? The Variant?
All good books.

And if you ever dip into some fun MG (my loves ) you might like the tales told in “A Tale Dark and Grimm” and “In a Glass Grimly”. Fairy tales with the edgy, witty touch of Adam Gidwitz. Oh my….I could talk books to you all day…I guess my attempt to avoid the fact that I DO NOT exercise and I just ate 4 meals at 10 pm (on TOP of a full day’s eats).
Dear lord, forgive me :(

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24 Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 28, 2012 at 11:39 am

I got your e-mail Jill, and I’ll do my best to get back to you soon. As for what I’m reading, right now I’ve really been enjoying some of my favorite classics. I finished Faust and Candide not long ago, and right now I’m working my way through Don Quixote again.

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25 Kate November 27, 2012 at 8:31 pm

That is SO frustrating. It took a really long time for me to figure out hunger and fullness, and is still a work in progress. I definitely think too much and fear my body will think I’m restricting again, which could lead to a binge, which I don’t want either…but it gets easier. Slooowly but surely I’m believing that my body will tell me what it wants – truly, and not under the influence of the eating disorder. With your attitude and determination you’re definitely getting there too. And I can already tell that it feels AMAZING. Keep on keepin on!

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26 Irina @ Chocolatea Time November 27, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I think I think too much too…about everything!! I used to stress out about eating balanced and timed meals as well. In other words, I would get frustrated when I had no appetite one day or if I was super hungry another day. But duuhhh, our bodies are not static! They are fluid and require pampering at different levels on a day-to-day basis. It all balances out in the end anyway.

I eat breakfast for dinner all the time! Sometimes my stomach just craves a steamy bowl of mom’s oatmeal with milk after a long day of work.
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27 kris November 27, 2012 at 9:19 pm

i love brinner. i think i need to have it more often.
i’ve been guilty of overanalyzing things especially when it comes to exercising, but i always just have to remind myself that its ok to rest.
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28 Jessie November 27, 2012 at 9:56 pm

I can sometimes be the queen of over-analyzing. Heck, my WIAW post today kind of shows that. However, I think we just need to list to what our mind tells us. Our bodies will let us know what we need to keep ourselves a moving, and feeling healthy.Just have confidence within yourself my love <3.

p.s. we will be having pancakes either tomorrow or Friday for dinner. Hubs isn't a big fan of breakfast for dinner, but oh well.. I'm the cook in the house, not him! Ha Ha :)
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29 Khushboo November 28, 2012 at 12:28 am

I’ve been having “brunch” for the past few days although I’m not really sure if we can call it that since I also ate breakfast! I used to overanalyse food so much, especially to make sure I was eating the most optimally (e.g. macros, not too many cals, etc etc)…I got burned out from devoting so much mental energy to the mere act of eating! I’m not sure what the last straw was but I’m grateful for it! Sometime I do catch myself overanalysing my food intake but I consciously make an effort to stop …lord knows I don’t want to go down that path again!
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30 Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 28, 2012 at 11:58 am

Ditto on getting burned out with the overanalyzing. I got so frustrated with all of the calculations that even the fear of the ‘unknown’ became more appealing than the energy I spent thinking. Let’s both just agree to never go that route again.

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31 Lucie November 28, 2012 at 12:59 am

Oh Dear, I am the same. Yes, I think you think too much, but I am the same. Since a few months though, I manage to let the thinking go sometimes. I just figured, that it does not help me overanalyzing a fact – if I am more hungry than on other days, if I have no appetite, if I ate too much and why…..If it’s in my belly, I can’t change it anyway (ok I could run to the toilet but I don’t want to do that anymore) and if my appetite is not there it won’t come just because I am thinking about it all the time. But it’s hard – I can totally relate. Time will let it fade away, be sure!!
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32 Chelsie @ Balance, Not Scale November 28, 2012 at 2:20 am

I’m always overthinking. Always. But I think that’s what I need for where I am right now. I still need to be questioning everything and on the alert.
Thinking is definitely good. Being conscious and aware of the possible return of ED thoughts is key (I let my guard down too far both times I relapsed … definitely not letting that happen again!). However, I think there’s a difference between awareness of thoughts, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and actually being worried that you’re relapsing. I’d like to think that questioning your “not so healthy” thoughts would be therapeutic, but meticulously stripping them down and analyzing the means, motive, and opportunity of each component? Maybe not so much. Good luck with it, chicka — I think it’s a sign that you’re building strength. ;)
And you know me — brinner for dinner every night! I even went out to eat last night and still had a breakfasty snack before I went to bed. haha.
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33 Sara @my less serious life November 28, 2012 at 4:43 am

the title of this post totally gets me. i KNOW i think too much. :) sometimes i get so jealous of people who don’t have the mental struggles!!
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34 Alexandra November 28, 2012 at 5:21 am

This post really resonates with me too– I’m right there with ya in knowing that I think too much. I overanalyze everything from grocery shopping, to homework assignments, to meals…UGGHHHH it can be so annoying! But recently, I’ve been learning to just give more and more over to God and it’s been freeing like none other :D
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35 Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin November 28, 2012 at 5:55 am

I love having breakfast for dinner! :D I think the last time I had it was a few weeks ago when I made scrambled eggs and toast for dinner.

I can definitely relate to this post. I don’t tend to worry about getting too much/too little because I figure my body can take care of that. But sometimes I find myself thinking too much about what I’m actually eating and trying to get a good balance, such as eating a green and orange veggie every day. I find it gets worse during times when I’m really stressed and focusing too much on school. But when I’m more relaxed and just enjoying life with family and friends, I barely even think about what I eat.
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36 Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 28, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Stress definitely plays a role in my overanalyzing as well, especially because that tends to be the time when my stomach starts acting up and complicating things even more.

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37 Alexandra November 28, 2012 at 6:37 am

Hi Amanda! I haven’t commented for a while, but I’ve been following you ever since Seek…remember that guy?

Anyhow, I think you probably DO think too much — so do I…goodness, so do I! Another comment above says that you probably still have lingering ED blah-blah and whatever, and that’s probably true — it’s not like I’m perfect either, because I’m definitely not…but I just wanted to say that what inspires me about YOUR blog compared to blogs I used to read about “recovering” is that you’re making an honest effort to get better. You’re talking about that fear of falling back, that you don’t trust yourself.

That’s something I struggle with a LOT is not trusting myself. EVERY time I don’t have appetite, it either freaks me out because I don’t know whether or not I should be eating and I end up bingeing or alternatively, I literally don’t eat! I know neither of those routes are healthy … and then I usually end up in some sort of rut, eating junk food and too much of it, or “rabbit food” and not enough of it. It’s scary and frustrating and makes me so mad at myself that I can’t just eat normally!

Reading your blog is truly helpful for me. Sometimes I tune out a bit (on purpose) because of that whole comparison trap thing, and I don’t want to get caught up in which foods you eat or how much, but I really tune in to what you say about it. About your appetite. That you don’t have a problem eating McDonald’s french fries (or maybe you do, but seeming like you don’t is still inspiring) and that you eat before bed and drink way too much coffee (like me…haha). It’s nice that someone can relate at a similar place.

I never want to go back to the days of restricting when I was in a deep, dark, anorexic pit, but sometimes it’s so tempting to say “I’m fat,” and make a plan to stop eating. When I read your blogs, though, that say it’s okay to honor my hunger, to respect my body, to be proud and thankful that it’s finally functioning properly, even though it’s been through the ringer.

Trying to recover from my eating disorder is, by far, the most difficult thing I have ever tried to do in my entire life, mentally and physically. It’s more difficult than running a half marathon, more difficult than choosing to not talk to my parents anymore because they were abusive, more difficult than leaving my sister when I went to college four hours away, more difficult than anything academic I ever accomplished — it’s a war with myself. Literally.

Every day is a fight with my eating disorder, but reading your posts makes it a little bit easier. So, even if you keep over thinking things, keep being honest about it, because that’s the only way you’ll make progress. Tricking yourself into believing you’re not over-thinking things will only hold you back!

XOXO
Alexandra

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38 Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 28, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Thank you for your beautiful comment Alexandra. Hard to believe that you’ve been with me for that long, but I do very much remember you <3 I definitely know that recovering from an ED is probably the hardest thing we’ll ever have to do, but I’m glad to hear that you’re still fighting to be healthy because that deep, dark anorexic pit is just hell on earth and I don’t want to see anyone going back there.

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39 Jess(ica) November 28, 2012 at 6:48 am

If someone looks up “overthinking” in a dictionary or thesaurus, I’m pretty sure my name and face would be there. I overthink everything. Absolutely everything. Food most of all, besides exercise. Thanks a lot ED. I wish I could stop- trying to presently, but it isn’t easy. Especially on days like today and yesterday when my appetite’s been MIA/off schedule. I’m always backed into dark corners of guilt and self flagellation. Making myself stay on my eating schedule in spite of how I feel is the pits, I always feel like I have to push myself to the nnth degree in my workout. Which isn’t fun.

When we shared an apartment together me and my twin sister used to designate Tuesday nights as our annual Breakfast for Dinner. Back in the B.E.D. days ( before ED). And it was just a lot of fun. Something I really looked forward to, and still really miss. One of my goals is get to back to that….

I can tell that you in fact are an excessive thinker- but you think very awesome thoughts, then write them down here for people like me that overthink bad thoughts. So don’t stop overthinking, it does us all good ;-)

I’ve taken several more steps to recovery this past weekend; I bought the ingredients for recovery meals on my ED bucket list, and refused to buy or make anymore ‘safe’ meals (because I know me- if there’s a “way out”, I’m probs gonna take it). I finished off the ‘safe’ leftovers last night. So. Now it’s just me and the recovery food. We’re going to square off tonight. Roasted chicken whole wheat panini (omg, bread!) with baked sweet potato fries (starchy vegetables, holy crap!) and maybe ketchup (condiments?!). I could lie and say I feel 100% about it, but you probably already know that I don’t. So instead I’ll just admit that yes, I’m scared. But- I AM going to do this. I just am. So wish me luck. And thank you for everything you say and do. <3

Jess(ica)

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40 Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 28, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Good luck, Jess <3 It’s okay to admit to being scared as long as you’re willing to face that fear. I know it’s tempting to put it off, turn back to safe foods, and say that you’ll do it another day, but there’s never going to be a time where it’ll feel easier until you face it and see that it’s not so bad. And it’s NOT so bad – promise. I enjoy bread pretty much every day (usually more than once because I’m getting lazy… eep!) and starchy veggies (with ketchup) are probably some of my favorites. You got this, girl :D Let yourself enjoy the food (because it’s freakin’ delicious) and facing fears will get a lot easier.

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41 Kat November 28, 2012 at 7:17 am

I DO think you think too much, but I think that maybe thats a good thing :) Sometimes its ok to just shut everything out and live life without thinking at all, but with an ED, I think its better to think things through. Because you know your triggers adn the things that set you off. But I do think you deserve a day off from thinking. Or maybe a little weekend vacay :)
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42 Megan @ runningonjava November 28, 2012 at 7:17 am

I definitely over think to a fault. I’m a big-time planner, and am always worried about the next thing I have to do. It keeps me from living in the moment, and it’s something I’m working on. Life is a work in progress, yes?
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43 debbie November 28, 2012 at 7:25 am

I can relate perfectly to what you’re saying, but GIRL! If your stomach is that painful and you are not hungry, give it a rest. Eat something lighter, at least. That’s also part of being healthy – honoring your body’s cues (whether that means eating more or eating less).
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44 Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 28, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Oh I definitely don’t try to force in any food if I feel like I’m dying, it’s just the feeling of fullness and having no appetite despite not having eaten much that throws me off.

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45 Laura Agar Wilson (@keephealthstyle) November 28, 2012 at 7:27 am

Oh gosh I think I really overthink my diet, or at least I used to, now I am becoming much more relaxed, in fact I kind of feel like I’ve had a realisation this week and turned a big corner around all of this stuff so hoping it will continue!

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46 Meghan @ After the Ivy League November 28, 2012 at 7:36 am

Time is the greatest healer, that’s for sure. I still tend to overthink things too, most days I try to eat exactly what I’m craving, but sometimes those lingering thoughts will haunt me. The important thing is, those lingering thoughts don’t take over. Sure, you may have some days that are harder than others, but those are the times to look back at how far you’ve come. And be proud :)
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47 Hollie November 28, 2012 at 8:28 am

I know I don’t have a lot of room to talk since I have never had an eating disorder but honestly I think honaring your bodies cues is most important. I can understand one upping though, I used to do it a lot with running. I would always try and run further and faster…which eventually was unfeasible and would leave me frustrated.

The last time I had breakfast for dinner was a few nights ago…waffles…it’s not shocking LOL.
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48 Lauren @ The Homeostatic Mindset November 28, 2012 at 9:13 am

Totally understand this! I talk to my Momma about this too. I complain that everyone eats less when they’re stressed or sick, so why can’t I?!…Her response? “You’re not like everyone else. They haven’t all had eating disorders.” I feel you though on the tummy stuff. I think that our hyper-vigilance extends to any and all bodily nuances. If we don’t feel ‘right,’ we need to know why, how and how to fix it. For me, taking a few magnesium glycinate (before bed) can help to clear me out and alleviate that ‘full’ feeling. NOTE: This is NOT a laxative. It is a magnesium supplement…with a helpful, *gentle* side effect. Something to look into, my friend. It has been a God-send for me on those bad IBS days. <3
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49 Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 28, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I can definitely relate to having the hyper-vigilance leak into other aspects of my life as well. Even if I’m feeling a little more tired or cranky one day, I need to know why. Ridiculous :?

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50 Debbie (Accidently Delish) November 28, 2012 at 9:16 am

that’s one of the worst part of our disease, we think and give food too much thought. it honestly doesn’t deserve it. if you’re not hungry in reality you shouldn’t have any thought about it, positive or negative. but if you are still trying to gain, then sadly we need to eat anyways. that’s where i struggle, i’m gaining, but there are times when i’m just not hungry. this is where we have to challenge the ED and do it anyways, because it’s the RIGHT thing to do.

over-analyzing and the OCD is what get’s most of us into ED situations, it’s really not the food, but the control. acknowledging this is a good step, but challenging it is the hard part!
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51 Hannah @ CleanEatingVeggieGirl November 28, 2012 at 9:51 am

I can definitely relate! I overanalyze whether I am eating “too much” or “too little,” whether I am eating enough fruits and vegetables, whether I am eating too much sugar/junk/carbs, etc. It is a never-ending battle that I am trying to break. I have found in the past month, however, that now that I have stopped counting calories (for the most part) that these thoughts occur less frequently. Lets hope that I keep moving in the right direction!
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52 Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 28, 2012 at 1:10 pm

!!! That’s so awesome that you’ve stopped counting calories! I know that giving up calories and macros was a godsend for me, but it’s the feeling of hunger/no hunger that still get me.

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53 Jemma @ Celery and Cupcakes November 28, 2012 at 10:53 am

I haven’t had breakfast for dinner in a long time. My favourite being oats for dinner, yum!
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54 Liz (formerly VeggieGirl) November 28, 2012 at 10:57 am

We are the queens of overanalyzing, haha.

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55 Lisa November 28, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Breakfast for Dinner is the greatest! I think I eat it at least 3 times a week ha. Yep. I’m an overanalyzing weirdo. Seriously, give me anything and I’ll over-think it. Whether it be too much exercise, not enough. Too much food, not enough. Too much social time, not enough ha ha. Clearly I live in a black and white world, although I’m trying to get past this thinking since it is seriously unhelpful!
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56 Allison @ Life's a Bowl November 28, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Breakfast for dinner- last night and probably tonight… Winner, winner, brinner dinner! #noshame And let’s talk about that missing sleeping in, I am getting a stress sore on my lower lip [isn’t pretty]. Need. more. sleep. stat. I think I’m overanalyzing my sleep habits. Dangit!
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57 Jess November 28, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Overthinking works the other way for me – it’s a major binge trigger and source of anxiety. If I haven’t eaten ‘perfectly’ I get so anxious that I’m liable to find myself faceplanting into a nut butter jar. Plus, I am so obsessed with protein still – I think it will make me look like all those 0% bodyfat lifting bloggers so I still eat 150g at least of protein, despite having kidney problems in the past. Even though I was sick recently I still loaded up on scoops of protein powder because I’m so scared of being even more flabby than I am. I so desperately want to look lean, muscled, with no fat covering them: I want to have razor-sharp definition like two or three bloggers I could mention. I think magically micromanaging my protein intake, eating all these different and expensive foods, will somehow transform me but logically I KNOW that these bloggers look like that not because they eat eggs, chicken and oats with almond milk all day but because of what they don’t eat. Because they restrict their calories. So if I just stopped analysing my food and cramming in protein for no reason, when I’m not even hungry, I might have a shot at being thinner. But it will never happen because now I buy into their crap and use every single excuse to ‘refuel’ with mass quantities of peanut flour, protein powders, etc.

:(

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58 Gina @ Health, Love, and Chocolate November 28, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Breakfast for dinner happens quite often in the form of cereal and yogurt around here. :-) When I start to overanalyze what I’m eating I try to look at the bigger picture. If my food is giving me fuel and energy to live my life in a broader sense then it is doing its job. Eating specific foods that I personally like or exploring new foodie finds and recipes is something that i enjoy so it just adds a fun factor to my life.
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59 Olivia @ Life As Liv November 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Oh, I’m always down to eat leftovers right out of the container. Cold. I have a feeling you wouldn’t be too opposed to eating it cold, right? You dinner looks so darn good! Your eggs are all fancy and yummy looking. I’ll have to try that soon!
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