. marvelously me .

by Amanda @ .running with spoons. on December 10, 2012

In a world where everyone seems to be running races and training for marathons… I enjoy my leisurely walks.

In a world where everyone seems to be Crossfitting and Paleo-ing… I have yet to figure out what WOD means, and I’ll never give up my dairy and grains thank.you.very.much.

In a world where everyone harps about eating 100% clean… I rather enjoy being dirty every now and again.

In a world that suggests I try to live off 1200-1500 calories a day… I say to hell with that; pass the cookies.

In a world that tells me to act my age… I’d much rather nurture my inner child.

In a world that tries to convince me to be unhappy with myself… dare I say I kind of like who I am?

In a world that tries to tell me who to be… I’d rather just be marvelously me.

. – . – . – .

There’s a never-ending amount of pressure out there to act, think, and look a certain way. Oh, you must exercise every day; you must believe that sugar is bad; you must be fit and toned – if not, you [apparently] fail at life. We spend so much time trying to become some idealized version of who we think we’re supposed to be, that we eventually lose sight of why it is that we do what we do and believe what we believe in the first place…

Example. I’m not a runner. I’m just not. Don’t try and tell me that anyone can be a runner, because I’ll have to disagree. After repeated attempts at trying to see what all the fuss was about, I’ve just accepted the fact that the only way I’ll run is if rabid bears or ice cream trucks are involved. It hurts, I don’t get the high, it’s just not for me. Nevertheless, I [repeatedly] tried to force myself to like it anyways. Why? Because everyone else was doing it. Duh.

Don’t get me wrong. Inspiration is great, but not when we lose sight of who we are and try to force ourselves to become someone that we’re not; and definitely not when that so-called inspiration leads to comparison and guilt. There are runners and Crossfitters. There are clean eaters and people who really like math. Good for them – all of those things are fabulous if they’re done with passion, but that’s just not where mine lies… at least not right now.

One of the beautiful things about life is that it’s fluid, it’s constantly changing. The way we are at any given moment isn’t necessarily the way we’re going to be in a future one. Values change. Priorities change. Tastes change. It’s what keeps life interesting. I’ve gone the hardcore fitness route, I’ve done the whole 100% clean-eating thing, but I’ve realized that the way I am right now is exactly the way I need to be. Will that always be the case? No, probably not – life may very well make a runner out of me yet – but until that day comes (if it ever does), I’ll embrace where I am and eagerly look forward to what comes next.

. – . – . – .

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{ 73 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Missy December 10, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I will drink to that! In a world that tells me only special occasions call for a toast. I say savor the moment.
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2 Miss Polkadot December 10, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Thanks for sharing yet another piece of great and truly healthy mindset, Amanda! I’m the same about clean eating – and I’d never even give paleo a try – because what is it worth? If my life was about to end tomorrow would I like to know that I’ve spent the whole time trying to like green smoothies, working out way harder than my body can take and denying myself fun times? Heck no! Here’s to hoping I live this year’s Christmas with that mindset instead of constantly worrying about runs that aren’t going to happen and the amount of fat used in cooking. Just thinking about the last years makes me angry with myself.
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3 Amanda @ .running with spoons. December 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Use that frustration to make this year a better one :D

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4 Alison December 10, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Love this! Great inspiration and you are totally marvelous! :)

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5 Chelsie @ Balance, Not Scale December 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Ummm. Way to foreshadow my post tomorrow (in a way). This is rocking awesome. Helllllllz yessssss!!! AND I LOVE YOU FOR BEING OHSOMARVELOUSLY YOUUUU!!! Never forget it. <3
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6 Jess(ica) December 10, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Marvelous post. (if you’ll pardon the pun).

I’m with you on SO many points here: paleo diet? Yeah, that would just NEVER work for me. Ever. If that’s someone else’s thing, then fine, but me? I’m not doing without bread or dairy. (Pizza & ice cream are on my ED Bucket List thank you very much lol)

It’s taken me a long time, but I think I’m finally accepting and made my peace with the fact that I’m not, and never will be a runner. It’s like the biggest fad out there in the healthy blogosphere, but it’s not gonna happen for me and the crooked tendons in my knees. Not unless I want to blow them out before I’m 30. Which…nah, I don’t really wanna do that. Plus, I’m with you: I don’t like it all that much. So sue me, ED. :-)

I’m also sick of this righteous indignation I keep seeing everywhere at things like fast food. It’s stupid. It just is. I think people should just admit that the stuff tastes damn good and not hide behind words like ‘bad’ and ‘guilty’ to hide their own insecurities about “junk food”. Take it from someone who used to be guilty of trashing fast food: 9xs out of 10, the people who do this want that food SO.BADLY. They want to eat it more than you can possibly imagine. Their badmouthing it is their way of making themselves believe they don’t want it, and should never have it again. There’s always the exception to the rule, but it’s been my observation that this is usually the reality behind all the badmouthing.

I love that recovery is making me realize and accept myself for who I am. I’m a girl who loves food. Really, I do. I LOVE it. And guess what? That’s FINE.

And btw, can I just say that you are absolutely GORGEOUS? Seriously. You are :-)

Jess(ica)

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7 Amanda @ .running with spoons. December 11, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Awwwr gush. Thanks Jess :) And you should have seen how badly I attacked any and all junk food in the worst days of my disorder, and you’re absolutely right – I did it because I wanted it so badly and I hated that others were able to enjoy it and I wasn’t. I still wouldn’t recommend solely living off it for extended periods of time, but I really don’t see anything wrong with enjoying it every now and again.

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8 kris December 10, 2012 at 5:22 pm

beautiful post!! I’ve also accepted that running is just something thats not for me. Just because other people love it doesn’t mean we have to as well. And your cookies + cereal mess is briiilliant. I never thought to add those chocolate ginger snaps to anything before. Must try :)
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9 Megan @ runningonjava December 10, 2012 at 5:23 pm

yes yes yes. THANK YOU. This is exactly what I needed today. I think the blog world (and the real world in general) pressure us into acting/being/living a certain way. That makes it incredibly difficult to remember who YOU are. It’s been hard for me, but I’m finally starting to realize that it’s just way better to be who you are and embrace it. :) Thank you again!
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10 Alex @ therunwithin December 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm

a freaking men. you always hit the nail on the head with these types of post. I will never be a nut butter fan, or eat clean or give up candy or gasp whipped cream. i would rather roll in a barrel of pins than do that. I know yet again not to sound creepy but I wish you could make it here in January or March, sad face.
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11 Amanda @ .running with spoons. December 11, 2012 at 3:36 pm

January or March, eh? Maaaaaybe I’d be able to look into it. Will text stalk you about this later <3

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12 Tiff @ Love Sweat and Beers December 10, 2012 at 5:34 pm

You ARE marvelous! I am just so so so happy you realize it. :)
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13 Brittany @ Delights and Delectables December 10, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Oh my gosh… I LOVE THIS! I lived in the other camp for far too long. I love how you are so inspiring! Why do you have to be so far away??? :( WHY???
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14 Hayley @ Running on Pumpkin December 10, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I could not agree more with every single one of these points (except the running one because I truly love running). I will not give up my occasional trips to In N Out burger or huge ice cream sundaes on the couch. Sorry it’s not “clean”. It makes me happy. Aaaand I have no desire to Paleo anytime ever. I love my carbs too much. I also don’t think I will ever like Zumba or spin. Zumba is awkward for me and spin is miserable. We are all unique and that is what makes the world amazing. Thank you for this post because this is really what I’ve been trying to embrace lately as I am taking so many risks to truly follow my heart and by myself, while dealing with the “I should be doing this” mentality. Nope, I should be doing exactly what is right for me and only me.

You are beautiful and wonderful and MARVELOUS so you BETTER be damn happy with yourself :D

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15 Amanda @ .running with spoons. December 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Girl, you’ve been doing SO awesome with embracing who you are and taking risks lately! It’s been such a pleasure to follow and be inspired by you :)

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16 Brittany @ GOtheXtraMile December 10, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I can’t express how much I love this post! <3
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17 Matt @ The Athlete's Plate December 10, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Great post :)
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18 Aimee December 10, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Simply marvelous Amanda!!!

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19 Alexandra December 10, 2012 at 6:16 pm

AMEN HOMEGIRL!!!!!!! I freaking adore this and YOU– I’m telling ya, you’re more of an inspiration to me than you’ll ever know. Can I come up there and give you a Texas size hug? I mean, your views on food, balance, and life in general are just fantastic. Why can’t the blog world be more like you?!? Seriously!!! :D
PS…when I tackle the Mickey D’s kids meal, you’ll be THE FIRST to know ;)
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20 Amanda @ .running with spoons. December 11, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Big hell yes (and please) to that hug! And I can.not.WAIT to hear all about your trip to the golden arches. I know you got this, the only question is… what toy are you after? ;)

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21 Hollie December 10, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Love this post and glad you are being so true to yourself. I feel like the blogging world get’s so warped but that is another story.
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22 lindsay December 10, 2012 at 7:19 pm

amen amen! I love running, walking, creating all types of recipe. BUT…. don’t lose focus on the now. What makes you happy, full, and JOYOUS!
To me, thats a glass of wine and my ass on the couch.

hugs.
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23 Elizabeth@myneonrunningshoes December 10, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Amazing post! Even though I am a runner I totally agree it’s not for everyone. I love that you do what’s best for you and rise above the “norm” to stay true to YOU. I agree, it’s marvelous!

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24 Laura December 10, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Love this post! So much wonderful inspiration. <3

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25 Catherine December 10, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Love this. And ditto to everything you said. I grew up really fit (competitive gymnastics), but nowadays, I often feel like a failure because I’m not some super running goddess like so many of my friends or people in the healthy living blog world. I just don’t like it. I admire those who run, but I’m becoming more accepting of my more leisurely walks. Who knows? Maybe one day that will all change, but if it doesn’t? That’s ok, too. While I believe we owe it to our health to eat well and be active, I’m not going to give up that cookie (those cookies, plural!) or the occasional cheeseburger. Taking care of ourselves has multiple faces: it’s about being true to ourselves and not about fitting 100% into some mold of “typical health,” whatever that is.
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26 Amanda @ .running with spoons. December 11, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Definitely! Trying to be healthy is supposed to make us feel better, not stress us out and make us feel even worse. It’s so, so important to do what works for us as individuals and put on the blinders to what everyone else is doing.

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27 Sam @ Better With Sprinkles December 10, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Really kind of wish I had a glass of wine in my hand – you are most definitely deserving of a toast right now. It’s awesome that you’ve figured out what works for you and you’re going with it – it’s the way to do it! While I don’t mind running, I’ve learned to accept the fact that I don’t mind it as long as I don’t have to do it for a really long time. AKA: it is highly doubtful there’s a marathon in my future. And in regards to Paleo: as soon as I saw I couldn’t have cheese or yogurt, I knew that was out too. The people that do it and love it, awesome. I’ll stick with my grilled cheese.

P.S. I kind of like who you are too! And by “kind of like”, clearly I mean adore. So much brilliant-ness <3
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28 Caitlin December 10, 2012 at 7:59 pm

I absolutely adore this post, darlin. Thank you for posting it…you find ways to give me hope each and every day, and I’m so happy to have discovered your blog.
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29 Katy December 10, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Love! <3

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30 Brittany December 10, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Have I mentioned that I love youuuu?? I love this post, and it’s sososooo true. I do run, but I don’t run because I love it..I run because it challenges me and because it allows me to eat 50 cookies to the average persons 2. I eat SO many sweets it’s probably not even “normal.” Those walks sounds perfect and I have been enjoying a lot more walks lately over runs! I can’t wait until it’s warmer outside to walk more. Oh and if anyone tells me it’s time to grow up, I will probably make a face that they didn’t know was possible.
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31 Kate December 10, 2012 at 8:24 pm

I agree, not everyone can be a runner. That’s why we have cyclists and swimmers and crossfitters and writers and artists and all SORTS of people. I happen to love running – it’s not a “workout” for me, it’s one of my life’s greatest passions – but I would definitely go insane without my after-work walks. And I could rant FOREVER about the paleo diet and about all that “clean eating” crap we see all the time – BULLS****! low carb diets kill your body (I have the peer-reviewed research against it), and clean eating is just…dumb. lol. I have no other word for it. and 1200-1500 calories a day…LOLOL I eat more than twice that and whaddayaknow, I’m still small and lean. And yes that would be up to 3000 calories a day of carbs and “dirty food”. If the furnace is hot enough (and most everyone’s is), anything will burn!

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32 Amanda @ .running with spoons. December 11, 2012 at 3:46 pm

If the furnace is hot enough… LOVE IT! And definitely love you, girlie <3

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33 Devon @ Health in Equilibrium December 10, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Amen Sista!! Life is all about being a little dirty and enjoying it! (hehe…) You are totally an inspiration to me. I still have fears when it comes to delicious things like cookies, but I am trying my darndest to focus on the delicious, not the terrifying. Seriously, you do what you want and you own it! You look amazing and you don’t have to run 10 miles a day to be gorgeous. Keep. It. Up! I’m following in your footsteps, I promise!! Oh, and I actually do like math *sheepish grin*
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34 Ashley @ AlmostVegGirlie December 10, 2012 at 9:28 pm

And this is why I love your blog–it’s such a great reminder that not everyone is a runner, a clean eater or whatever. The paleo thing I couldn’t do because I really can’t stand meat or eggs and I’d rather not live without whole grains and only being able to eat sweet potatoes as a ‘treat’. It just seems restrictive to me and that’s the last thing I need right now! I also prefer walking to running and I embrace my love for stuffed animals on a daily basis. I think we all need to just be ourselves and not worry about what other people are doing or eating or whatever!
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35 Jun December 10, 2012 at 9:49 pm

LOVE THIS POST.

*shakes head in disbelief because I didn’t think anyone could express my (as well as your) thoughts and feelings so brilliantly.

I suppose it’s time we stop trying to label ourselves with an identity, say ‘I’m a runner’, or ‘I’m a vegetarian’… just because we read blogs and articles that suggest it’s ‘good’ to be this and that. It doesn’t matter if we simply just eat a diet that does not shout ‘vegan’ or ‘paleo’, it doesn’t mean that we’re unhealthy. We are unique individuals, and whatever our decisions are in life, we should choose to honor and respect them, as well as love ourselves for who we truly are.

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36 Sarah December 10, 2012 at 10:16 pm

A long time subscriber here that’s never commented…and now I’m coming out from the shadows! I wanted to say I love this post…it made me tear! I <3 it and I love that you feel that way about yourself. Awesome :)

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37 Amanda @ .running with spoons. December 11, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Woot! Well thank you for de-lurking, Sarah :D

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38 Mary @ Fit and Fed December 11, 2012 at 12:01 am

I’m so glad you can relax and be yourself, that truly is healthy! After all, stress is a killer, and trying to be all these things you don’t want to be would be stressful, right? Your leafy walking path looks peaceful and relaxing– keep on enjoying it! I am not a runner, either, but a figure skater, I don’t have a lot of company there in the blogging world!
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39 fruityrunner December 11, 2012 at 12:54 am

Amen!!!

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40 Lucie December 11, 2012 at 1:01 am

I think you are so right with what you are saying, still, I believe it is just not the easiest thing for many people out there to eat fast food or stop running. I know you came a long way to be where you are today, and I think it is amazing and so inspirational. I am not there yet and yes, I enjoy cookies, but give me 10, and I walk right into a binge. So…..I am trying, but I am pressuring myself every day to work hard, to exercise a lot and to eat as healthy as possible. It’s not the blogger world that pressures me or the world in general (anymore), it’s ME. This is a good thing though cause if it’s me, I know I can decide TODAY to change this.
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41 Jessie December 11, 2012 at 1:07 am

Oh darling, this post is just AMAZING!! Hope you don’t mind that I just saved this whole post when I need a little eye opener from time to time =) I wish we lived closer so we could take lots of walks together & eat lots of cereal!!
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42 Khushboo December 11, 2012 at 1:16 am

WOW! If you could see me now, you would see someone who’s just been blown away by your post! Love everything about it especially how content you are with being YOU! Like you said, life changes & priorities changes and we just have to find a version of ourselves who best fits these changes. It’s crazy to think that a “one size fits all” lifestyle can actually exist- the only “right” lifestyle, in my ever so humble opinion, is one that brings happiness NOW…not a never-ending quest to find that happiness (e.g. “if I give up grains I’ll finally get to the figure I always dreamt of”)!

And just for the record, I am starting to embrace walking more and more as workout lately…and do I dare admit that I’m enjoying it a lot more than running!
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43 Sara @my less serious life December 11, 2012 at 4:46 am

yeah. what the hell does WOD stand for? ;)
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44 Katie December 11, 2012 at 5:38 am

I love this POST! You are SPOT on!

You know I have been enjoying my walks too, have been for a long time now. It is hard not to put pressure on yourself or to compare in the blog world, hell I say sometimes healthy living blogs are NOT so healthy to read. I struggled a lot when I first gave up intense exercise, it was mainly due to blogs too. I had to stop reading some and it helped.

Love this and you are marvelous <3
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45 Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin December 11, 2012 at 5:46 am

I love this! When we’re part of such an inspiring community like this one, it can be easy to put too much pressure on ourselves to be like other bloggers. But why? We all have different bodies, lifestyles, needs, etc, so it’s pointless to try to be like anyone other than ourselves! But I’ll admit I’ve had trouble with comparing myself to other bloggers who workout super intensely every day, when I can barely last on the elliptical for 15 minutes lately. So thank you for this post. :)
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46 Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table December 11, 2012 at 6:52 am

amen to that!!! 1200 calories a day?! i’d die.
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47 Suzanne @ Fit Minded Mom December 11, 2012 at 7:05 am

Sounds to me like you have a wonderful grasp on how to just live life and enjoy!! I don’t understand while so many people feel they have to live to the “extremes”, especially when it comes to diet and exercise. Yes, it is possible to stay fit and healthy just by being active and eating what you love in moderation. What a refreshing post!!
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48 Nicky December 11, 2012 at 7:29 am

Oh Amanda, this is just beautiful and I could not agree more. I love that you put posts like this out there because it just shows how happy people can be when they aren’t trying to live up to expectations that they ‘think’ are put upon them when in fact they’re not. No one has to be anything they are not and we should all just live our lives doing what we love and not forcing ourselves into being a certain something just because they assume that is the way to live to be happy. They’re soul will just get miserable even if yeah they might be getting toned and fit, losing weight or whatever, but that really is not the answer to happiness in life.
I tried the whole running thing for a bit…yeah I am definitely 100% NOT a runner and no one will tell me otherwise. I tried everyday to run and run, increase my distance, get faster and did I ever feel that high and happiness from it? No. I actually dreaded waking up everyday to make myself do it. But I did because I thought running was the best exercise in terms of burning calories. What a life eh? NAAAT.
Oh and these diets. God I think I’d kill myself if I had a life with no real treats and constantly having to watch what I ate. Yeah they might say that they do have treats but they’re all healthified, low calorie, low fat, no carb, no sugar, NO YUM. I’ll have my plate of cookies now please :)
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49 Kaila @healthyhelperblog! December 11, 2012 at 7:34 am

Possibly my favorite post of yours ever!!!!! And so needed right now! Thank you.
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50 Danielle @ Clean Food Creative Fitness December 11, 2012 at 7:38 am

I am in love with this post. I think I might have to come back and read this one again and again. I admit I am one of those crossfitters but only because I love it. I started before a lot of people even knew what it was and to be honest I think I preferred it that way! I hate putting any kind of label on myself or my eating because it is constantly changing and I am constantly evolving to figure out what’s right for me. I dabble in Paleo sometimes but I also ate a gluten free bagel with justin’s almond butter for breakfast yesterday and was in heaven. Grains all the way ;) I love that you are okay with just being you. I’m trying to learn to accept myself and think I am slowly getting better each and every day!
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51 Carli December 11, 2012 at 7:43 am

What a beautiful and inspirational post, Amanda! Thank you for the reminder this morning. Reading your blog posts always make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, haha.

P.S. You are gorgeous, both inside and out :)
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52 Hannah @ CleanEatingVeggieGirl December 11, 2012 at 8:54 am

Love this post! Despite my blog being called the “clean eating” veggie girl, I could never fully eat an entirely “clean” diet for the rest of my life. Would I love to be able to? Sure. But would I fully enjoy myself and my eating habits? Likely not. Plus, who even really knows what constitutes a “clean” diet? I believe everything is all in moderation. I try to eat “clean” (or my version of it) about 80-85% of the time, but always leave room to splurge when I go out to eat or just NEED some ice cream! You only live once, right? ;)
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53 Meghan @ After the Ivy League December 11, 2012 at 10:56 am

Great post Amanda, I couldn’t agree more :) Why are people always trying to be someone else? You have to do what you want to do, and what works for you. I know myself enough to know that I will never, ever, want to run a marathon. Ever. Does that make me a bad person? Not determined enough? Not committed enough? Nope! It just means I don’t enjoy running a huge amount of miles. It’s just not me. I love watching others do it, and think they’re totally kick-ass and inspiring, but not everyone can be the same. And thank God for that!
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54 Olivia @ Life As Liv December 11, 2012 at 11:22 am

This post makes me so happy and relieves so much inner anxiety. You are someone that I look up to eating health wise. My goal is to be in a similar mental state when it comes to exercise and food, you’re just so calm and HAPPY! Love this, love this, love this.
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55 Amanda @ .running with spoons. December 11, 2012 at 4:12 pm

That’s an awesome goal :) And you’ll definitely get there! It’s something that comes with time, I’ve found. And sheer frustration is pretty useful too ;)

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56 amber maag December 11, 2012 at 11:41 am

I am one of these people you speak of, I was just thinking to myself this morning that I look horriblw because I haven’t had the time to get to the gym so much. But you’re right about media image. Thanks for this, you made my day so much better.

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57 Kat December 11, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Your amazing. That’s it. Nothing else to it :)
Like you, I’m pretty much saying “screw you” to what everyone else tells me what I should be doing/eating/working out. You know I love my workouts, but I HATE running, and Im jsut NOT going to force myself to do it so I can “fit” in.
And cookies? Hell yes. ALWAYS pass the cookies!
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58 Liz (formerly VeggieGirl) December 11, 2012 at 12:28 pm

I. freaking. love. this. post.

You rock, Amanda!!

And I have to say, I laughed that the comic says “Liz” :D

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59 Anna @AnnaTheApple December 11, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Oh yeah I totally agree. If we were all the same how boring would that be?? As long as a person is happy and healthy living their life they shouldn’t care how they’re neighbour is living. Blogging is a minefield for comparisons but as long as you stay true to what you enjoy and love then it’s just great to see what works for others!
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60 Lisa December 11, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Amen! I don’t do paleo, low calorie diets, marathons, etc. I would rather live life. There was a time when I also suffered with a horrible illness and I was alone for way too much of that. I want to enjoy things! Such an inspiring post! As per usual:) I think everyone should do there own thing and not fall into trends because other people are. We all are different, so we all need different things to match our lifestyles! xox
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61 Ashley Mammel December 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Hey Sweetie, I know you already have a million people commenting and telling you how amazing this post is, but WOW, what an incredible message today! Thank you for being yourself, for being honest, and for inspiring us all. This was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today and I am SO thankful I have come across your blog, I always look forward to your posts and your insight into living life to the fullest. Thank you thank you thank, from the bottom of my heart for every word written in this blog, you are amazing!

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62 Amanda @ .running with spoons. December 11, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Awwwr. You totally just put an embarrassingly goofy smile on my face right in the middle of Starbucks. Thanks, Ashley :D

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63 Donna Calabrese December 11, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I’m no preacher but AMEN sista!

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64 Lisa December 11, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Fabulous!!!

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65 Jill December 11, 2012 at 5:03 pm

So I kind of really want to be your real-life friend right now. I am only a walker too…but I just made biggest mistake of my life and moved to a town of bad memories and gossipers and run-down houses and a judgmental family and the walks…I’m in tears….no sidewalks, just short stumbling along for a walk each day on a road I can’t stand to be on. …Afraid to eat “certain” things in fear it will either lead me to binge (again) or because I don’t deserve since I am now EXTREMELY inactive. I’m lost and scared. You’re beautiful. My skin and pallor are all crappy, but I think that is due to my digestion and internal toxicity issues (no good bacteria, etc) and my parents think its all about sitting 24-7, nothing else and eating whatever they do (“country ribbon” chicken, slimy pieces of bologna, buns made with shortening and palm oil, etc etc etc…really bizarre food…not lovely food like yours above…i can’t find liberte yogurt :( major sad. I cna’t find anything here (one grocery store, nothing). The only two positive food choices have been finding Tribe Hummus which is crazy that they’d have that here and nothing else….and wild moose…a friend of parents caught a moose, so we get wild moose which to me is 10x better than the crap factory stuff that i’m otherwise forced to succumb to…oh my.

What kind of turkey deli meat do you buy? Can you provide the link? What you think of these maple leaf prime “natural selections”…me nerves, my anxiety is 10 fold and I am trapped. I made a big mistake coming home and I’m “stuck”…I cry when no one looking and try to act to them because family are getting older and they are well intentioned…but its so hard, cause they don’t see ME and realize ME and the hurt ….they just think its all no exercising and eat.

I’m sorry Amanda. I was about to get off computer and go journal and figured I’d check one more blog and it seems I’ve mixed your blog with my journal :( Sorry.

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66 alek December 14, 2012 at 3:35 pm

sorry to like stalk your comment but I’d love to talk if you want alekprus@aol.com and my blog is runservecook.wordpress.com!

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67 Molly@This Life Is Sparkling December 11, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Love this post<3
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68 Robyn @thereallife_rd December 11, 2012 at 8:45 pm

What a beautifully written post. Can we be friends? But seriously…

This has permanently slapped a smile on my face and I’ll be holding my head a bit higher. I cannot grasp Paleo and all the rage nor will I ever be a crossfitter and there is absolutely no way this girl is giving up some grains.

You are awesome :)
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69 Heather @ Kiss My Broccoli December 12, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Amen sistah! I never thought in a MILLION years that I would become a runner. Then, once it got bitten by the running bug, I thought I’d never give it up, but like you said…people change. I still have that love for running, I just don’t have that motivation to do it like I used to. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll pick it up again, but for now, I’m perfectly content with my no-more-than-three-mile jaunts and throwing around some heavy weights with all the boys! I really do need to give more credit to walks though. A lot of times I just have a hard time seeing it as exercise, but it IS exercise…both for the body AND the mind. I only had the time/motivation for a walk on the treadmill at the gym yesterday and I have to say, it was nice to just stroll along…while texting the man friend/getting caught up on Instagram! ;) It’s easy to get caught up in the comparison trap in this community without even realizing it. Thanks for the reminder! xoxo
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70 kim@hungryhealthygirl December 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm

This is such a well written and awesome post!! I feel exactly the same way. Everyone is different and everyone should feel proud of who they are and not try to be something they’re not…..easier said than done. I struggle with it daily. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. ;)
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71 alek December 14, 2012 at 3:36 pm

this is amazing. PERIOD .
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72 Alyssa December 17, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Preach it sista! Paleo and low-carb diets are simply NOT healthy for your body and I’m so glad to see some people realizing that. We were not designed to run our bodies ragged on a treadmill either. Thanks for this post!

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73 Mila @ Simple Harmonic Motion January 27, 2013 at 3:47 pm

I actually just confessed this to myself. There are times of the year or places where I absolutely crave a run – but through the rain? Basking in the glory of snot frozen on my gloves? Honestly, nope. Our bodies were meant to move, yes, but there’s more ways than one to do that :) Thanks for sharing!
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